Couples Worksheet
Expectations and Assumptions
A worksheet for surfacing the unspoken expectations and assumptions each person brought into the relationship. The silent contracts that shape how couples operate, often without either person knowing.
Before you begin
The agreements you never made out loud
Every couple operates on a set of unspoken assumptions about how things work, who does what, how decisions get made, what the future looks like. Most of them were never named or agreed to. When those assumptions clash, the result is conflict that feels personal but is actually about two different unstated pictures. Naming them is the first step to choosing something better together.
What this worksheet does. It surfaces unspoken expectations so they can become explicit agreements. An expectation that goes unmet silently causes resentment. The same expectation, named and negotiated, becomes a real choice both people have made, or an honest recognition of a difference that needs to be worked with.
How to use it. Each section covers a different area of relationship life. Both partners answer independently before comparing. Where your pictures are different, and neither of you knew it, is usually the most useful territory to explore.
Partner A, your biggest unspoken expectation
Partner B, your biggest unspoken expectation
Together
Both partners answer:
"The area where I think our unspoken assumptions are most in conflict right now is _____________"
Part One
Assumptions about roles and daily life
Who does what, how decisions get made, and what each person believes their role in the relationship is. These assumptions are rarely named until they create friction, and by then they have often been generating quiet resentment for a while.
Tap any example to add it, then edit to make it yours
mental load
50/50 split
whoever cares more does it
traditional roles
hire help eventually
joint decisions on big things
social plans are individual
check before committing
both work full-time
someone scales back for kids
equal career weight
one person handles finances
Partner A, household and daily life
Partner B, household and daily life
Partner A, decision-making
Partner B, decision-making
Partner A, work and career
Partner B, work and career
Together
Part Two
Assumptions about the relationship and family
How conflict should be handled, what closeness looks like, how extended family fits in, and what the structure of your shared life is supposed to be. These are often the expectations that matter most and get discussed least.
Tap any example to add it, then edit to make it yours
resolve same day
space is okay in conflict
who apologises first
conflicts stay private
most evenings together
independent social life
check in during the day
daily alone time
holidays with my family
no unannounced visits
financial help for family
family opinions stay outside
Partner A, conflict and repair
Partner B, conflict and repair
Partner A, closeness and space
Partner B, closeness and space
Partner A, extended family
Partner B, extended family
Together
Name the unspoken assumption:
"Something I assumed but never said is _____________, and I think you assumed _____________"
Part Three
Assumptions about the future and shared values
Where you are going together, what you are building, and what kind of life you are each expecting. Misalignment here tends to show up slowly until it is no longer avoidable, making it worth naming now rather than later.
Tap any example to add it, then edit to make it yours
stay in this city
buy a home soon
have children
no children
willing to relocate
move near family eventually
work before social, not relationship
relationship before career moves
equal ambition weight
relationship takes priority over friends
Partner A, the future you pictured
Partner B, the future you pictured
Partner A, what comes first
Partner B, what comes first
Together
Part Four
Making the implicit explicit
The point of surfacing assumptions is to turn invisible constraints into explicit, chosen agreements. Once both people know what the other expects, you can decide together what you actually want, not just drift along inside inherited or unspoken pictures.
Together
Take turns:
"Something I didn't know you assumed is _____________, and what that explains about our dynamic is _____________"
Together
Start with wherever the friction is highest. An imperfect explicit agreement beats a perfect unspoken one.
Together
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