Couples Intimacy Tool
Non-Sexual Physical Affection Practice
A worksheet for rebuilding the everyday physical closeness that tells your partner they are loved, not just wanted. Based on research in affectionate communication.
The research
Why everyday touch matters
Non-sexual physical affection — holding hands, hugging, cuddling, casual touch in passing, sitting close — is one of the strongest independent predictors of relationship satisfaction in long-term couples. Research by Kory Floyd and others in affectionate communication consistently shows that it predicts both relationship quality and individual wellbeing, separately from sexual intimacy.
What non-sexual affection communicates. Everyday physical closeness tells your partner: you are loved, not just wanted. You matter to me right now, not just when I am aroused. I want to be near you. This is different from sexual touch — and for many people, it is more nourishing.
Why it drifts in long-term relationships. Everyday affection tends to decrease gradually over time — not because love decreases, but because it no longer feels novel, because life gets busy, because one partner starts reading non-sexual touch as a sexual invitation and begins avoiding it, or because small amounts of distance have accumulated and physical closeness has started to feel awkward rather than natural.
The sexual touch problem. In many couples, one person has learned that any physical touch from their partner will likely lead to sexual pressure. As a result they begin to pull away from all touch — hugs, sitting close, casual contact — to avoid triggering that expectation. This worksheet directly addresses that pattern.
Part One
Where you are right now
An honest picture of how much non-sexual physical affection is currently present in the relationship, and how satisfied each person is with that.
How much non-sexual physical affection is present in your relationship right now
A5/10
B5/10
Almost noneA great deal
How satisfied you are with the amount of non-sexual affection
A5/10
B5/10
Not at all satisfiedVery satisfied
Take turns:
"I think physical closeness started to drift when _____________ — and what I think contributed to that was _____________"
If relevant
This is one of the most common and least discussed patterns in long-term relationships. Naming it removes its power.
Part Two
What each person wants more of
Each partner checks the forms of non-sexual physical affection they would genuinely like more of. Complete this privately before comparing. Be honest rather than strategic — check what you actually want, not what you think your partner wants to hear.
Partner A wants more of
Partner B wants more of
Partner A — anything not on the list
Partner B — anything not on the list
Together
Context matters:
"The time I most want physical closeness is _____________ — and the time I least want it is _____________"
Part Three
Where you overlap and where you differ
Looking at each other's lists, the places where you both want more of the same thing are the easiest starting points. The places where you differ — where one person wants something the other finds uncomfortable or unfamiliar — are where a conversation is needed before practice begins.
Together
Together
Partner A
Partner B
Part Four
Building your affection practice
Non-sexual affection that has drifted does not come back on its own. It needs to be chosen deliberately — at least at first — until it becomes natural again. This section turns the conversation into a concrete, agreed practice.
The most important agreement. Non-sexual physical affection is exactly that — non-sexual. For this practice to work, both people need a clear shared understanding that initiating affection is not a bid for sex, and that receiving affection is not an agreement to move toward sex. Making this explicit removes the anxiety that causes many people to avoid touch altogether.
Your practice agreements
Together
Together
Said to each other:
"What I am hoping this practice will give us is _____________ — and what I am willing to offer is _____________"
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