Is Your Partner's ADHD Being Mistaken for Not Caring?

Is Your Partner's ADHD Being Mistaken for Not Caring?

Understanding the Difference Between ADHD and Lack of Love

Your Progress Question 1 of 12

1

When your partner forgets important dates, appointments, or things you've told them, what's your observation?

They forget constantly—even things they genuinely care about, including their own appointments They forget a lot, but seem genuinely distressed when they realize they've forgotten They remember some things but not others—it seems selective They remember things that matter to them but consistently forget things that matter to me

2

How does your partner respond when you're talking to them about something important?

They try hard to focus but their eyes wander, they fidget, or they lose the thread despite obvious effort They often ask me to repeat things or seem to have missed key details, even when they look engaged Their attention varies—sometimes fully present, sometimes clearly elsewhere They seem checked out or disinterested, especially during emotional conversations

3

When your partner starts tasks or projects, what typically happens?

They have extreme difficulty starting tasks, even ones they want to do, and leave many things unfinished They start with enthusiasm but struggle to maintain focus and rarely complete things They complete some tasks but not others—seems to depend on their interest level They complete tasks they want to do but ignore responsibilities they've agreed to

4

How does your partner experience time and deadlines?

Time seems to not exist for them—constantly late, shocked by how much time has passed, no sense of duration They're chronically late and underestimate how long things take, even for their own important events Sometimes on time, sometimes very late—it's unpredictable They're late for things involving me but manage to be on time for things they prioritize

5

When your partner acts impulsively or makes snap decisions, what do you notice?

They act on impulse constantly—buying things, changing plans, interrupting—and often regret it immediately They struggle to pause before acting and seem genuinely surprised by the consequences of impulsive choices They're sometimes impulsive and sometimes thoughtful—depends on the situation They make impulsive choices that benefit them but are thoughtful about things that require sacrifice

6

How does your partner handle their emotions, especially frustration or disappointment?

Emotions seem to hit them like a tidal wave—intense reactions that pass quickly, difficulty regulating They have big emotional reactions but seem to struggle to control them, even when trying Emotional regulation varies—sometimes handled well, sometimes overreactive They control their emotions fine in most situations but blow up specifically during our conflicts

7

What's your partner's relationship with organization and planning?

Organization is a constant struggle—piles everywhere, can't find things, planning feels impossible for them They try to get organized but systems fall apart quickly, and planning ahead is very challenging Some areas are organized while others are chaotic—inconsistent They're organized with their own stuff but don't help with household organization or shared responsibilities

8

When your partner is interested in something, how does their focus compare to daily tasks?

They hyperfocus intensely on interests—hours disappear, forget to eat, can't shift attention even when needed They can focus for hours on hobbies but can't sustain attention on routine responsibilities Focus varies across different types of activities They have plenty of focus for what they want to do but claim they "can't focus" on our relationship needs

9

How does your partner engage in conversations?

They interrupt constantly, talk over people, and struggle to wait their turn even when clearly trying not to They interrupt often and seem to forget what you were saying mid-conversation Sometimes they're a good listener, other times they dominate or interrupt They listen fine to others but interrupt or dismiss me specifically

10

How does your partner respond to criticism or perceived rejection?

They're extremely sensitive—even mild feedback feels devastating to them, intense shame or defensive reactions They react very strongly to criticism and seem to catastrophize or take things more personally than intended Sensitivity to criticism varies—sometimes receptive, sometimes very defensive They get defensive when I bring up concerns but handle criticism fine from others

11

What's your partner's physical energy and restlessness like?

Constantly moving—fidgeting, tapping, getting up, pacing—they seem physically unable to be still Frequently restless or fidgety, especially during activities requiring sustained attention Sometimes restless, sometimes calm—depends on the situation They're restless when they're bored with me but can sit still for things they enjoy

12

Overall, when your partner's behaviors hurt or frustrate you, what do you observe?

They seem genuinely distressed by their own behavior, apologize repeatedly, but struggle to change despite trying They express remorse and want to do better but keep repeating the same patterns Sometimes they seem to care about the impact, sometimes they seem indifferent They minimize my feelings, make excuses, or don't seem bothered by the impact on me

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Understanding ADHD in Relationships

ADHD can profoundly impact relationships, but when partners understand that symptoms aren't a lack of love, everything changes. Forgetfulness, distraction, and difficulty with follow-through aren't personal—they're neurological.

At Sagebrush Counseling, we specialize in helping neurodiverse couples navigate ADHD dynamics. We'll help you distinguish between ADHD symptoms and relationship issues, develop strategies that work for both neurotypes, and rebuild trust and connection.

Learn About Neurodiverse Couples Therapy Schedule a Consultation