Are You Avoidant Attachment or Just Not Into Them?

Are You Avoidant Attachment or Just Not Into Them?

Understanding the difference between attachment patterns and genuine compatibility

Professional Disclaimer: This quiz is designed for educational and self-reflection purposes only. It is not a diagnostic tool and should not replace professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're struggling with relationship patterns or attachment issues, please consider speaking with a licensed therapist who can provide personalized guidance.

0 of 20 questions answered

1

When your partner shares their feelings with you, how do you typically respond?

I feel engaged and naturally want to understand and support them

I listen but sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed by emotional intensity

I often feel uncomfortable and want to change the subject or fix the problem quickly

I feel annoyed or disconnected, like I don't really care about what they're sharing

2

How do you feel about planning a future with this person?

Excited and hopeful - I enjoy imagining our life together

Interested but cautious - I want to take things slowly

Anxious and trapped - thinking about the future makes me want to escape

Uninterested - I genuinely can't see them in my future

3

When you're apart from your partner, what are your thoughts about them?

I miss them and look forward to reconnecting

I think about them sometimes but also enjoy my independence

I feel relieved to have space and often avoid reaching out

I rarely think about them and don't particularly miss them

4

How do you respond when your partner wants to discuss the relationship?

I'm willing and open to having these conversations

I'm somewhat uncomfortable but recognize it's important

I feel defensive, shut down, or find excuses to avoid the conversation

I feel frustrated because I don't think the relationship is worth discussing

5

When conflicts arise, what's your typical pattern?

I want to work through it and find a resolution together

I need some time to cool off but eventually come back to address it

I withdraw, shut down, or need extended periods of space before engaging

I disengage because I don't feel invested enough to work through conflicts

6

How do you feel about physical intimacy with your partner?

Natural, comfortable, and connected - it enhances our bond

Generally good but I need to feel emotionally connected first

I'm okay with it but often feel smothered or need significant space afterward

I'm not attracted to them or actively avoid physical closeness

7

When your partner expresses needs for closeness or reassurance, how do you react?

I'm happy to provide reassurance and connection

I try to meet their needs even if it's sometimes challenging for me

I feel pressured, overwhelmed, or like they're being "needy"

I feel annoyed or burdened because I don't want to meet these needs

8

Do you find yourself comparing this person to previous partners or fantasizing about others?

Rarely - I'm satisfied and present in this relationship

Occasionally, but I recognize it's normal and doesn't mean much

Frequently - I often idealize past relationships or imagine being with someone else

Constantly - I actively seek out or pursue other connections

9

How do you feel about your partner meeting your friends and family?

Excited and proud to integrate them into my life

Willing, though I prefer to take it slowly

Uncomfortable - I prefer to keep these areas of my life separate

Resistant - I don't see them as someone I want deeply integrated into my life

10

When good things happen to you, do you want to share them with your partner?

Yes, they're one of the first people I want to tell

Usually, though sometimes I share with friends first

Not really - I prefer to process good news on my own or with others

No - they're not someone I think to include in my celebrations

11

How do you feel when your partner talks about commitment (exclusivity, moving in, marriage)?

Positive and open to discussing these possibilities

Somewhat hesitant but willing to consider it over time

Panicked or trapped - I want to avoid these conversations or pull away

Certain I don't want these things with this particular person

12

When you think about your partner's positive qualities, how do you feel?

Grateful and appreciative - I genuinely admire many things about them

I recognize their good qualities but sometimes focus on flaws

I downplay or minimize their positive traits and focus on what bothers me

I struggle to identify qualities I genuinely appreciate about them

13

How do you respond when your partner is going through a difficult time?

I want to be there for them and support them through it

I try to help but sometimes feel uncertain about what to do

I feel overwhelmed or want to distance myself from their problems

I feel disconnected or burdened by their struggles

14

Do you feel like you're "settling" in this relationship?

Not at all - I feel fortunate to be with them

Sometimes I wonder, but overall I'm satisfied

Frequently - I often feel like something is missing

Yes - I know I'm with them for the wrong reasons (comfort, fear of being alone, etc.)

15

When your partner asks for your opinion or input on important decisions, how do you feel?

Valued and happy to be included in their decision-making

Comfortable offering input while respecting their autonomy

Uncomfortable with the expectation of being involved in their life decisions

Indifferent - I don't feel invested in their choices

16

How often do you find reasons not to spend time with your partner?

Rarely - I generally prioritize time together

Occasionally - I balance couple time with personal time

Frequently - I often choose other activities or need extensive alone time

Very often - I prefer doing almost anything else

17

When you imagine your ideal relationship, does your current partner fit that vision?

Yes - they align well with what I want in a partner

Mostly - there are some differences but nothing major

Not really - I fantasize about a very different type of relationship

No - they're significantly different from what I truly want

18

How do you feel about being vulnerable and sharing your deeper feelings with your partner?

Comfortable - I feel safe opening up to them

It takes time but I'm gradually becoming more open

Very uncomfortable - I keep most of my feelings to myself

I don't want to be vulnerable with them specifically

19

Do your feelings toward your partner feel consistent, or do they fluctuate dramatically?

Mostly consistent - I have a stable sense of care and affection

Some natural ups and downs but generally positive

Very inconsistent - I swing between feeling close and wanting to leave

Consistently negative or indifferent - I rarely feel positively toward them

20

If you imagine breaking up with this person, what's your immediate emotional response?

Sad and painful - I don't want to lose them

Difficult to imagine but I know it would be hard

Relief mixed with guilt - part of me feels freed by the idea

Relief or indifference - I've already mentally checked out

Get Your Results

Understanding Attachment in Relationships

Whether you're working through avoidant attachment patterns or navigating questions about compatibility, professional support can make a significant difference. Understanding your attachment style and relationship patterns is a crucial step toward building healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Individual Therapy Can Help With:

• Exploring your attachment history and patterns
• Understanding your emotional triggers and defenses
• Building capacity for vulnerability and intimacy
• Developing self-awareness around relationship choices
• Healing past relational wounds
• Clarifying what you truly want in relationships

Couples Counseling Can Help With:

• Improving communication and understanding
• Navigating attachment style differences
• Building secure connection strategies
• Breaking negative interaction patterns
• Increasing emotional intimacy
• Determining if the relationship meets both partners' needs

At Sagebrush Counseling, we specialize in attachment-focused therapy and relationship counseling. Our therapists create a safe, non-judgmental space to explore these important questions about yourself and your relationships.

Schedule a Consultation

Take the first step toward understanding yourself and your relationships better