Are You Fighting About Chores or About Executive Function? Quiz

Are You Fighting About Chores or About Executive Function?

Understanding Neurological Barriers to Task Completion

Important Note: Executive function challenges affect planning, organizing, initiating, and completing tasks—not motivation or caring. This quiz helps distinguish between actual disagreements about household labor and conflicts arising from unrecognized or unaccommodated executive dysfunction.

Question 0 of 20

1

Does your partner understand that you may struggle with task initiation, not lack of caring?

Yes, completely - they understand executive dysfunction

Somewhat - they're learning about this

Not really - they think I'm lazy or don't care

No - they see it as willful neglect

2

How often do you both fight about tasks you "forgot" rather than refused to do?

Never - we have systems to help with memory

Sometimes - working memory is recognized as an issue

Often - my partner thinks I don't listen

Constantly - "forgetting" is seen as an excuse

3

Does your partner understand that time blindness affects your ability to complete tasks?

Yes - we work with time blindness, not against it

Somewhat - they're learning about time perception issues

Not really - they think I'm making excuses

No - they think I just need to "try harder"

4

How well do you both navigate the fact that you might not "see" mess or clutter?

Very well - we use systems to make tasks visible

Fairly well - we communicate about what needs doing

Not well - my partner thinks I'm being inconsiderate

Poorly - I'm accused of not caring about cleanliness

5

Does your partner understand that multi-step tasks can be overwhelming?

Yes - we break tasks into smaller steps together

Somewhat - they're learning to help scaffold tasks

Not really - they think I'm making it harder than it is

No - they're frustrated that "simple" tasks are hard

6

How comfortable are you asking for help with task planning or organization?

Very comfortable - we collaborate on systems

Somewhat comfortable - improving with practice

Uncomfortable - I feel shame about needing help

Very uncomfortable - asking feels like admitting failure

7

Does your partner understand that decision fatigue can make simple choices paralyzing?

Yes - they help reduce decision load when I'm overwhelmed

Somewhat - they're learning about this challenge

Not really - they're frustrated by my indecision

No - they think I'm being difficult or controlling

8

How well do you both handle situations where you start tasks but struggle to finish them?

Very well - we have strategies for task completion

Fairly well - we're working on systems together

Not well - half-finished tasks cause frustration

Poorly - I'm accused of not following through

9

Does your partner understand that you may need external cues or reminders to complete tasks?

Yes - we use timers, lists, and reminders collaboratively

Somewhat - they help but wish I didn't need it

Not really - they think reminders are "nagging"

No - they refuse to remind me or see it as parenting

10

How often do you fight about the same household tasks repeatedly?

Rarely - we've created systems that work

Sometimes - we're still finding what works

Often - the same tasks cause ongoing conflict

Constantly - household tasks are a major source of resentment

11

Does your partner understand that hyperfocus can make you lose track of chores?

Yes - they help redirect me when needed

Somewhat - they're learning about hyperfocus

Not really - they think I'm ignoring responsibilities

No - they see hyperfocus as prioritizing hobbies over partnership

12

How well does your partner understand that perfectionism or analysis paralysis can prevent task completion?

Very well - they help me work through perfectionism

Fairly well - they're patient with this struggle

Not well - they think I'm overthinking simple tasks

Poorly - they're frustrated I can't "just do it"

13

Do you both understand the difference between "won't do" and "can't do right now"?

Yes - we recognize executive function limitations

Somewhat - we're working on this distinction

Not really - "can't" is seen as "won't"

No - all difficulties are interpreted as unwillingness

14

How well do you communicate about your current executive function capacity?

Very well - we check in about capacity regularly

Fairly well - we're improving at communication

Not well - I struggle to articulate limitations

Poorly - I don't feel safe expressing capacity limits

15

Does your partner understand that executive function varies with stress, sleep, and energy?

Yes - they adjust expectations based on my state

Somewhat - they're learning these patterns

Not really - they expect consistency

No - variability is seen as making excuses

16

How well have you both adapted your household systems to accommodate executive dysfunction?

Very well - we've created neurodivergent-friendly systems

Fairly well - we're implementing accommodations

Not well - we use systems that don't work for me

Poorly - I'm expected to adapt to neurotypical systems

17

Does your partner understand that transitions between tasks are cognitively demanding?

Yes - they give me transition time and warnings

Somewhat - they're learning about task switching

Not really - they expect instant task switching

No - my need for transitions frustrates them

18

How comfortable are you advocating for accommodations that help with household tasks?

Very comfortable - I know what I need and ask for it

Somewhat comfortable - improving at self-advocacy

Uncomfortable - I feel shame about needing accommodations

Very uncomfortable - asking feels like admitting incompetence

19

Does your partner take executive function challenges personally or see them as rejection?

Never - they understand it's neurological

Sometimes - they struggle emotionally even when they understand

Often - they feel like I don't care about our home

Always - every struggle is interpreted as lack of love

20

Overall, how satisfied are you with how household responsibilities are handled?

Very satisfied - we've found systems that work for both

Moderately satisfied - still improving but making progress

Somewhat unsatisfied - executive dysfunction causes ongoing tension

Very unsatisfied - chores are a constant source of conflict

See Your Results

Your Executive Function Results

Creating Executive Function Support

Supporting Executive Function in Relationships

Neurodiverse Couples Counseling

• Distinguish executive dysfunction from unwillingness
• Create neurodivergent-friendly household systems
• Learn to communicate about capacity and limitations
• Navigate resentment around household labor
• Build accommodations that honor both partners
• Address shame and judgment around executive function

Individual Therapy

• Understand your specific executive function profile
• Develop compensatory strategies that work
• Process shame around executive dysfunction
• Learn to advocate for accommodations
• Build systems tailored to your neurology
• Address perfectionism and analysis paralysis

Ready to stop fighting and start problem-solving?
Therapy can help you distinguish between executive function challenges and relationship issues, creating systems that work with your neurology, not against it.

Schedule a Couples Counseling Session Learn More About Neurodiverse Couples Therapy →