How to Find a Couples Therapist Near You
Deciding to seek couples therapy is one of the most courageous things a partnership can do. And yet, for many couples, figuring out how to find the right therapist feels just as daunting as the conversation that brought them here in the first place.
Whether you've been in conflict for years or are simply feeling a quiet distance growing between you, reaching out for support is a sign of strength — not defeat. As a therapist, I've worked with couples navigating everything from communication breakdowns and trust injuries to big life transitions and the quiet weight of feeling unseen. And one thing I know for certain: the right therapeutic relationship makes all the difference.
So let's talk about how to actually find that relationship — practically, honestly, and without the overwhelm.
First: Get Clear on What You're Actually Needing
Before you start Googling therapists at 11pm (we've all been there), it's worth slowing down and asking: what are we hoping to get out of this? That answer looks different for every couple, and getting honest about it helps you find a therapist who's actually equipped for your situation.
Are you in crisis, or looking to grow?
Some couples arrive in therapy in the middle of an acute rupture — an affair has just come to light, a serious breach of trust has occurred, or the relationship feels like it's on the edge. If that's where you are, you'll want a therapist who has specific experience with trauma, betrayal, and stabilization work. This is a different skill set than what's needed for general communication coaching or premarital counseling.
Other couples are doing reasonably well but feel like they're missing something — intimacy has cooled, they keep having the same argument on a loop, or they're navigating a major transition like a new baby, a career change, or an empty nest. This kind of growth-oriented work is equally valid and important, and a good therapist should be able to meet you there too.
What does each partner actually want?
It's worth having a conversation between the two of you before your first session: what does each person hope to feel differently? What would "better" actually look like? You don't need to agree on everything — in fact, having different answers can be incredibly useful information for a therapist. But being able to name your own hopes, even tentatively, helps a therapist understand where to begin.
- Are we trying to repair something specific, or improve things generally?
- Is there a particular issue (intimacy, finances, parenting, communication) we most need help with?
- Are we both willing participants, or is one of us more hesitant?
- Do we have any prior therapy experiences that shaped what we want (or don't want) this time?
- Are there any identities, values, or lived experiences that matter to us in a therapist?
That last question is more important than it might seem. Feeling culturally understood, religiously respected, or affirmed in who you are as a couple isn't a luxury — it's a foundation for the work. Don't hesitate to ask a potential therapist directly about their experience working with couples like yours.
Finding the Right Therapist: What to Actually Look For
Not every therapist who sees couples is a couples therapist. That distinction matters more than most people realize. Couples therapy is its own clinical specialty, and a therapist who primarily works with individuals may not have deep training in relational dynamics, attachment theory, or evidenced-based approaches like the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). When you're searching, look for someone who specifically identifies couples or relational therapy as a primary focus of their practice.
Training and approach
You don't need to become an expert in therapy modalities, but it can be helpful to know a few names. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is one of the most research-supported approaches for couples — it works with the emotional attachment patterns beneath conflict. The Gottman Method is another well-researched framework rooted in decades of relationship research. If a therapist lists either of these as part of their approach, that's a good sign they've invested in specialized training.
That said, approach isn't everything. The therapeutic relationship — how safe and understood you feel with this person — is one of the strongest predictors of outcomes in therapy. A good fit matters as much as credentials.
The consultation call
Most therapists offer a free 15–20 minute consultation before your first session. Take it. This is your chance to ask questions, get a feel for their communication style, and notice how you feel during the conversation. Some things to listen for: Do they seem to understand relational dynamics, not just individual ones? Are they curious about both partners? Do they seem to hold a non-blaming perspective? You want someone who can hold the space for two very different experiences simultaneously — that's no small skill.
The best couples therapist isn't the one with the most impressive bio. It's the one in whose office both partners feel genuinely heard — even when that's uncomfortable.
Logistics matter too
Practical considerations are real. Think about session frequency — most couples begin with weekly sessions, especially early in the process. Consider scheduling: can both partners actually make it to a consistent time? Think about cost and whether the therapist accepts your insurance, offers a sliding scale, or provides out-of-network receipts (called superbills) you can submit yourself. These details aren't trivial — unsustainable logistics can derail good work before it really gets started.
Ready to take that first step? Let's connect and find out if we're a good fit for each other.
Schedule a Consultation →How Online Therapy Opens Up More Options for Your Relationship
If you've been searching for couples therapy and hitting walls — limited availability, long waitlists, nothing that feels right in your immediate area — online therapy may be worth a serious look. And I say that not as a backup option, but as a genuinely valuable one.
Access to specialization
One of the most significant advantages of telehealth for couples is that it dramatically expands your access to specialists. If you're looking for a therapist with specific experience in LGBTQ+ relationships, interracial or multicultural partnerships, religious or faith-integrated counseling, or trauma-informed couples work — online therapy means you're no longer limited to whoever happens to practice within 20 miles of your zip code. You can find the therapist who truly understands your relationship.
Rural and remote access
For couples living in rural areas — whether that's a small town in Montana, a remote part of Maine, or a region of Texas far from a major metro — local access to specialized mental health care is genuinely limited. Online therapy levels that playing field. You can receive the same quality of care as someone in a city, from the comfort and privacy of your own home.
Scheduling flexibility
Coordinating two schedules is one of the most common logistical barriers couples face when considering therapy. With online sessions, there's no commute factored in, no need to find a babysitter for a two-hour window, and often more flexibility in appointment times since the therapist isn't limited by physical office hours. That ease of access can make the difference between consistent attendance and dropping off after a few sessions.
Is online couples therapy effective?
Research increasingly supports telehealth as effective for couples work — outcomes are comparable to in-person therapy for most relational concerns. Some couples actually find that the home environment makes them feel more relaxed and open. The work is still real, the relationship between therapist and clients is still real, and the growth is absolutely still real. The screen doesn't diminish any of that.
- You live in a rural or underserved area with limited local options
- Coordinating two schedules around office hours feels impossible
- One or both partners travels frequently for work
- You've had trouble finding local therapists with couples specialization
- Privacy matters and you'd prefer sessions in your own space
What to Expect When You Start
First sessions in couples therapy often feel different than people expect. A good therapist will likely spend significant time in early sessions just getting to know each of you — your history as a couple, your family backgrounds, your communication patterns, what brings you each joy and what brings you pain. This isn't wasted time. It's the foundation everything else is built on.
You may not leave the first session feeling like things are "fixed" — and that's okay. In fact, it's normal for early sessions to surface things that feel harder before they feel easier. That's part of the process. Trust it, and give yourselves (and your therapist) a fair runway. Most research suggests that meaningful change in couples therapy requires at least 8–12 sessions, with many couples benefiting from longer engagement.
It's also okay to reassess. If after a few sessions something doesn't feel right — if one partner feels consistently blamed, or the work feels stalled, or you simply don't feel understood — that's worth naming, either to the therapist directly or by seeking a different fit. A good therapist will welcome that feedback. The goal is always your relationship's wellbeing, not anyone's ego.
Ready to Find Your Fit?
Whether you're just starting to explore or you're ready to book, I'd love to connect. I offer telehealth sessions across Maine, Montana, and Texas — wherever you are in your relationship journey.
Reaching out is the hardest part. I mean that sincerely — it takes real vulnerability to say "we want something different for our relationship." That courage deserves to be met with a therapist who will show up for you both with care, skill, and genuine investment in where you're headed.
You don't have to have the right words or know exactly what you need before you reach out. That's what the conversation is for.
— Sagebrush Counseling
