Healing PTSD After Infidelity
Infidelity doesn’t just hurt. It hits like a truck. One minute you’re living your life, trusting your partner, making plans. The next? The ground drops out from under you.
If you’ve ever discovered a betrayal in your relationship and felt like your whole world stopped, you’re not imagining it. For many people, infidelity triggers a trauma response that looks and feels a lot like PTSD.
We usually think of PTSD in the context of war, abuse, or life-threatening events. But when the person who was supposed to love and protect you becomes the one who hurts you? That kind of betrayal can shake your nervous system just as deeply.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we’ve worked with many people navigating this exact pain. If you’re feeling stuck in the aftermath of cheating—or trying to make sense of the emotional storm you’ve been caught in—this post is for you.
So... Can Infidelity Really Cause PTSD?
Yes. And here’s why.
Infidelity doesn’t just break trust. It can break your sense of safety. The person you leaned on is suddenly the person you have to protect yourself from—and that flips your emotional world upside down.
You might question everything:
Was any of it real?
How did I not see it?
Can I ever trust again?
What’s wrong with me?
This is where betrayal trauma takes root. And just like other traumas, it can leave behind symptoms that are intense, confusing, and hard to shake.
Signs You Might Be Experiencing Infidelity-Related PTSD
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone.
Intrusive thoughts
You keep replaying the moment you found out
You imagine them with the other person—over and over
You have nightmares or obsessive thoughts that won’t let up
Avoidance
You avoid certain places, songs, or conversations
You feel emotionally shut down
You steer clear of dating or intimacy altogether
Hypervigilance
Every phone ping makes your heart race
You check their location, texts, social media—sometimes without realizing it
You’re constantly scanning for signs that something’s off
Mood and self-worth
You feel worthless, ashamed, angry, or numb
You don’t enjoy things like you used to
You’ve started to believe love isn’t safe—or even possible—for you
And here's the kicker: even if you're no longer in the relationship, these symptoms can linger.
How It Affects Future Relationships
Whether you’ve stayed with your partner or started fresh with someone new, trauma doesn’t just vanish. It follows you until it’s worked through.
If you’ve stayed:
You might feel on edge, watching their every move
Innocent things—like a delayed text—feel like red flags
Sex and closeness might feel loaded, scary, or totally off-limits
You bring up the betrayal long after your partner thinks it’s been “handled”
If you’re with someone new:
You might feel distant, even when you like them
You expect betrayal, even without evidence
You panic over small things and then feel embarrassed
You find yourself sabotaging the relationship before they get the chance to hurt you
Sound familiar? You’re not broken. You’re wounded. There’s a big difference—and therapy can help you tell the two apart.
What Actually Helps? Let’s Talk Therapy
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing, but a few therapy methods stand out when it comes to betrayal trauma.
1. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
This is a powerful method for people healing within relationships—but it also works if you’re flying solo.
EFT zooms in on your emotional world and helps you understand why you’re reacting the way you are. It helps you name your hurt, express your needs, and start rebuilding trust—either with your partner or within yourself.
What EFT does really well:
It addresses the deep emotional injury of betrayal
It teaches partners how to respond to each other with empathy
It replaces painful cycles (like shutdowns or explosions) with safer ones
It helps you feel secure again—over time, and with real steps
2. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
CBT focuses on how your thoughts shape your feelings and actions. If your mind keeps looping on painful beliefs like:
“This ruined everything.”
“I’ll never trust anyone again.”
“It’s all my fault.”
CBT helps you pause, challenge those thoughts, and start building new, more balanced ones.
3. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
This is a go-to for trauma therapists—and for good reason. EMDR helps your brain reprocess the emotional intensity of a memory, so it stops hijacking your nervous system.
It’s especially helpful if you feel “stuck” in the moment you found out, or if reminders of the betrayal still send you spiraling.
4. Mindfulness & Self-Compassion
Mindfulness-based therapy helps you stay present—rather than spinning out in the past or fearing the future.
You’ll learn how to:
Notice triggers without reacting automatically
Be kinder to yourself when waves of pain hit
Sit with discomfort without being swallowed by it
Think of it like emotional weightlifting. It’s hard at first, but it builds strength over time.
5. Narrative Therapy
This one’s about rewriting your story. You get to pull the trauma outside of yourself and see it from a new lens.
Instead of “This broke me,” it becomes:
“I went through something awful. And I survived.”
“I’m learning to trust myself again.”
“This pain isn’t my whole story—it’s just one part of it.”
So, What Does Healing Actually Look Like?
Great question. Here's how therapy often unfolds:
Phase 1: Calming the Chaos
You’ll work on feeling safe again, regulating your emotions, and figuring out what you need (and don’t need) right now.
Phase 2: Processing the Pain
This is the part where you start facing the memories, exploring your reactions, and understanding how past wounds might be intensifying the current ones.
Phase 3: Rebuilding and Redefining
Over time, you’ll start to feel more like you again. You’ll create new meaning, re-learn how to trust, and decide what kind of relationships you want moving forward.
When Should You Reach Out for Help?
Honestly? Sooner than you think.
You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis to benefit from support. But if any of these are true, therapy could really help:
You’re still struggling months after the betrayal
Your thoughts or reactions are disrupting your daily life
You’ve stopped trusting yourself or anyone else
You’re numbing out with alcohol, food, or distraction
You’re trying to move forward but feel stuck in the same place
You feel alone in your pain—and like no one understands
You’re Not Too Broken to Heal: Betrayal Takes Time to Heal
Healing from betrayal is hard. It’s messy. Some days you’ll feel like you’re making progress—and others you’ll feel like you’re back at square one.
That’s normal.
But with the right kind of support, the sting fades. You start remembering your strength. You rebuild confidence in your judgment. You learn to feel again without fear.
Whether you’re hoping to stay with your partner or you’re ready to move on, therapy can help you figure out what you need.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we’re here for the complicated, painful, brave work of healing from betrayal. You don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about our services.
This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you’re in crisis or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please seek help immediately. Call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, or reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for 24/7 support.
You deserve support. And healing. And peace. Even after all of this. Additional resources here.
