Is It Normal to Go Months Without Sex?
Let’s talk about something a lot of couples experience—but almost no one talks about openly:
What happens when the sex stops.
Whether it’s been a few months… a year… or longer, going through a sexual dry spell in your relationship can feel lonely, confusing, and honestly—kind of shame-inducing. You might wonder:
“Is something wrong with us?”
“Is this normal?”
“Does this mean we’re more like roommates than partners now?”
“Is it over?”
If you’ve been quietly asking yourself these questions, you’re not alone. And no—you’re not broken, and neither is your relationship.
Let’s unpack what’s actually going on when couples stop having sex—and how to figure out what it means (and what it doesn’t).
First Things First: Yes, It Can Be Normal
Sex ebbs and flows in long-term relationships. Life happens—sometimes really big, stressful, exhausting life—and intimacy gets pushed to the back burner. Work demands, health issues, parenting, aging, emotional burnout, grief, or even the residual stress from things like a global pandemic can shift how connected you feel.
In short? It is very common for couples to go through periods of little or no sex. And not all of those relationships are in crisis.
The problem isn’t always the dry spell itself—it’s what that dry spell means to each partner and whether it’s being addressed with care and honesty.
When Sex Disappears, It’s Usually Not Random
If you’re wondering why sex has faded from your relationship, here are a few common reasons:
Stress and burnout – It’s hard to feel desire when your nervous system is in survival mode 24/7.
Emotional disconnection – You don’t feel close, so physical closeness feels off, too.
Physical or mental health changes – Things like anxiety, depression, hormone shifts, or chronic illness can all impact libido.
Unresolved conflict or resentment – If something’s been swept under the rug, it can show up as distance in the bedroom.
Body image or self-esteem struggles – It’s hard to feel vulnerable when you don’t feel good in your skin.
Parenting fatigue or role changes – Kids change everything—from your schedule to your sense of self.
Neurodivergent sensory needs – If you or your partner is autistic, ADHD, or AuDHD, touch may require more intention or sensory consideration.
Dry spells usually aren’t about not loving each other. They’re about not feeling fully resourced, safe, or connected enough to express that love physically.
So… How Long Is Too Long?
There’s no set amount of time that makes a dry spell “bad” or “concerning.” What matters more is:
Are both of you okay with the current level of intimacy?
Is one of you feeling rejected, confused, or hurt by the lack of sex?
Are you able to talk about it—or does the topic feel completely off-limits?
Does the dry spell feel like a symptom of something else going on?
Some couples are okay with infrequent sex or even identify as asexual or low-desire couples. Others feel deeply disconnected if physical intimacy fades. What matters is whether your needs are being met—and whether those needs are even being named.
What It Might Mean (And What It Might Not)
💬 What it doesn’t necessarily mean:
That your relationship is doomed
That one of you is cheating
That something is “wrong” with your body or libido
That you’re not attracted to each other anymore
💬 What it might mean:
That you’re both overwhelmed or under-communicating
That there’s emotional distance that needs tending to
That old patterns (like avoidance or shame) are getting in the way of connection
That you need help talking about sex again in a safe, supported space
Sex is about much more than physicality. It’s about safety, communication, trust, identity, and emotional attunement. When it’s been gone for a while, it’s easy to assume the worst. But so often, there’s still love underneath the silence.
If You Want to Reconnect, Here’s Where to Start
You don’t need to jump straight into a steamy night. Start with honesty.
Here are a few gentle ways to open the conversation:
“I miss feeling close to you. Can we talk about where we’re at?”
“I’ve been feeling nervous about bringing up intimacy, but it’s important to me.”
“I don’t want to pressure you—I just want us to feel more connected again.”
Avoid blame. Avoid pressure. And try to stay curious about how your partner is feeling—not just focused on fixing the “problem.”
What About Couples Who Don’t Want to Rekindle Sex?
Here’s something we don’t talk about enough: some couples decide that sex is no longer a big part of their relationship—and that’s okay too.
There are couples who:
Stay emotionally close without sexual intimacy
Redefine what intimacy means to them
Make intentional decisions about what feels fulfilling, with or without sex
You get to define what a meaningful, loving relationship looks like for you—not some random statistic about “average” frequency.
When to Consider Therapy
Sometimes a dry spell brings up deeper stuff—grief, shame, trauma, fear of rejection, or just years of unspoken needs.
Couples therapy or sex therapy can help you:
Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy
Learn how to talk about sex in ways that don’t feel awkward or shaming
Understand what might be getting in the way of desire
Explore how ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergent traits may play a role
Heal past hurts that are showing up in the bedroom
A therapist doesn’t “fix” your sex life—but they can help you find the courage and clarity to reconnect again—whatever that looks like for you.
You’re Not Broken. And You’re Not Alone.
Going months without sex can feel like something no one else is going through—but trust me, it’s more common than you think.
Whether you want to reignite the spark, redefine intimacy, or just understand what’s shifted, you’re allowed to ask for help.
Your relationship is allowed to evolve. And intimacy can be rebuilt—with care, honesty, and compassion.
Ready to Talk?
If you’re feeling stuck in a long dry spell, I offer virtual sex therapy and couples counseling across Texas. I specialize in working with neurodivergent couples, intimacy issues, and couples recovering from disconnection or betrayal.
Reach out when you’re ready. There’s no pressure—just a safe space to talk.
