Should You Go to Marriage Counseling After an Affair?

Feb 16

Written By A G

So, the truth is out. There’s been an affair. Maybe it was emotional, maybe physical—maybe you’re still trying to make sense of what it even was. What you do know is that your relationship doesn’t feel the same, and you’re wondering if couples therapy could actually help.

You might be asking yourself:

Can we ever really move past this?
Will marriage counseling make it better—or just make us rehash everything?
Should we go together, or would it be better if I just went alone?

Let’s talk about it. Because if you’re here, there’s probably still something worth saving—or at least understanding. And no, you don’t need to have everything figured out before walking into a therapist’s office.

At Sagebrush Counseling, we work with a lot of couples navigating infidelity. Some are trying to rebuild. Some are still in shock. Some just want clarity. Wherever you are on the map—this post is for you.

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So… Can Therapy Help After an Affair?

Short answer? Yes, it absolutely can.

Longer answer? It depends on a few things—like what you both want, how open you are to the process, and whether you're willing to do the hard (but totally doable) work of repair.

Marriage counseling isn’t about taking sides or deciding who was right. It’s about creating a safe space to:

Be honest without blowing up
Get underneath the pain
Rebuild trust—if that’s what both of you want

And even if you're not sure what you want yet? Therapy can help you figure it out.

What Actually Happens in Couples Therapy After an Affair?

It’s not just talking about the affair over and over. And it’s definitely not about punishing one person or rushing forgiveness.

Here’s what it often looks like:

1. We Slow Things Down

Affairs bring up big emotions—anger, shame, grief, numbness. Before anything can be rebuilt, we need to name what’s going on and make space for both of you to feel seen. That alone can be a huge step.

2. We Talk About What Happened… Gently

Not just the “what” but the “why.” What did the affair mean? What was missing in the relationship before? What was the emotional landscape that made this rupture happen?

3. We Rebuild Safety

Trust doesn’t bounce back automatically. We work together to figure out what safety looks like now—for both of you—and how to move forward without constantly retraumatizing each other.

4. We Decide What’s Next

Sometimes couples come in not even knowing if they want to stay together. That’s okay. Therapy isn’t just about fixing—it’s about understanding. You’ll both get a chance to figure out what’s right for you.

Should You Go to Therapy Together or Alone?

Honestly? You might want to do both.

Individual therapy is great for:

Processing your personal grief, anger, or guilt
Exploring how this is impacting your identity and self-worth
Understanding your own emotional needs and patterns

Couples therapy is great for:

Healing together
Having honest conversations in a supported space
Rebuilding connection—or making a thoughtful decision to part

Lots of our clients do individual work alongside couples therapy, especially after something as big as an affair. You don’t have to choose one or the other.

“What If My Partner Doesn’t Want to Go?”

It happens. One of you might be more ready than the other. If your spouse isn’t ready for therapy, you can still start on your own. That’s not a waste—you matter too.

Sometimes, one partner’s growth becomes the spark for the other to get curious. But even if that doesn’t happen, therapy can help you heal and find your next steps with more clarity and confidence.

But What If It’s Too Late?

We hear this a lot. You might be thinking:

“The damage is done.”
“We’ve waited too long.”
“I’m not sure there’s anything left.”

Here’s what we’ll say: it’s not about when you start—it’s about how you show up.

We’ve worked with couples who’ve come in years after an affair, totally emotionally checked out, and still found a way back to each other. And we’ve also helped couples part ways kindly, without destroying each other in the process.

The goal isn’t to “save” the marriage.
The goal is to find out what healing actually looks like for both of you.

What You Can Get Out of Marriage Counseling After an Affair

Even if things feel broken, therapy can help you:

Understand why it happened (without just blaming)
Rebuild trust—slowly, and for real
Talk without screaming (or shutting down)
Reconnect emotionally, sexually, and as teammates

And if you don’t stay together?
You’ll still walk away with clarity, emotional closure, and a better understanding of what you need going forward.

You Don’t Have to Figure It All Out Alone, Help is Here

Infidelity can rock everything you thought you knew about your relationship. But it doesn’t have to mean the end.

Whether you’re both still committed or still unsure, therapy can help you stop spinning and start healing—one honest conversation at a time.

Let’s Talk About It—Together or Solo

At Sagebrush Counseling, we offer:

Couples therapy sessions (weekly or bi-weekly)
Virtual therapy intensives for deeper repair
Individual counseling to process the pain on your own terms

Ready to start? Reach out for a free consult. No pressure. Just a safe space to figure out what’s next.