Is Pathological Demand Avoidance Affecting Your Relationship? Quiz

Is PDA Affecting Your Relationship?

Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance in Your Partnership

⚠️ Important Disclaimer: This quiz is designed for educational and self-reflection purposes only. It is NOT a diagnostic tool and cannot replace a professional evaluation by a qualified healthcare provider. Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile within the autism spectrum that requires comprehensive assessment by licensed professionals experienced in neurodevelopmental differences. If you're concerned about how PDA may be affecting your relationship, please consult with a psychologist, therapist, or other qualified healthcare professional who specializes in autism and relationship counseling.

Quiz Progress 0 of 20 questions answered

1

When your partner makes a direct request of you (like "Can you do the dishes?"), how do you typically respond?

I feel an immediate, intense resistance even if it's something I was planning to do anyway I often feel trapped or controlled and need to do it "my way" or on my own timeline It depends on how they ask - tone and wording make a big difference in my willingness I generally respond positively to reasonable requests from my partner

2

How do you experience expectations in your relationship (like shared responsibilities or regular date nights)?

Any expectation feels like a demand that triggers anxiety and avoidance, even positive ones I struggle with structured expectations and need significant autonomy in how/when I fulfill them Some expectations feel manageable while others feel overwhelming depending on various factors I'm comfortable with reasonable expectations and can negotiate them openly

3

What happens when your partner suggests making plans or scheduling activities together?

I feel trapped by commitments and often cancel or avoid making definite plans I prefer spontaneity and resist being "locked in" even to things I might enjoy I'm okay with flexible plans but struggle with rigid schedules or time commitments I'm comfortable making plans and following through on commitments

4

How do you feel about the concept of compromise in your relationship?

Compromise feels like losing control or being forced to comply, triggering intense resistance I struggle with compromise because it feels like demands are being placed on me I can compromise on some things but need to feel it was my choice, not an obligation I view compromise as a healthy part of partnership and can negotiate willingly

5

When you and your partner have a disagreement, how do you typically navigate it?

I go to great lengths to avoid or deflect the conflict, often through elaborate excuses or distraction I struggle when my partner expects me to discuss issues directly - it feels like pressure I can address conflicts but need time and space to approach them on my own terms I can engage in direct, constructive conflict resolution when issues arise

6

How do you experience your partner's need for quality time or attention?

Their need for attention feels like a demand I must resist, even when I want connection I want connection but feel pressured by any expectation of availability or interaction I balance my need for space with their need for togetherness, though it requires effort I can naturally balance autonomy and quality time in ways that work for both of us

7

When you're struggling in the relationship, how do you typically communicate this to your partner?

I avoid direct communication and may use indirect methods, jokes, or role-play to express concerns The expectation to communicate my feelings directly feels like a demand I resist I can share concerns but prefer written communication or indirect approaches over face-to-face talks I can openly discuss my feelings and concerns with my partner when needed

8

How does anxiety manifest for you in the relationship, particularly around your partner's needs or requests?

I experience intense, disproportionate anxiety that can lead to panic or meltdowns around demands Perceived demands trigger significant anxiety that drives my avoidance behaviors I experience manageable anxiety around expectations that I can usually work through Normal relationship negotiations don't typically trigger anxiety for me

9

How do you respond when your partner uses phrases like "You need to..." or "You should..."?

These phrases trigger immediate, intense resistance and sometimes lead to oppositional behavior I feel controlled and often do the opposite or avoid doing what's suggested entirely Directive language bothers me but I can manage the reaction with awareness I can hear suggestions from my partner without feeling controlled or resistant

10

What is your relationship with household responsibilities and shared tasks?

The expectation to do routine tasks triggers avoidance, even if I intellectually know they need doing I can do tasks when I choose, but assigned responsibilities feel like unbearable demands I prefer flexibility in how/when tasks are done but can maintain some shared responsibilities I can reliably handle my share of household tasks and responsibilities

11

How do you experience the need for control or autonomy in your relationship?

I have an intense, pervasive need to maintain control and autonomy at all times to feel safe I require significant autonomy and struggle when I feel my independence is threatened I value independence but can negotiate interdependence in the relationship I'm comfortable with the natural give-and-take of partnership and shared decision-making

12

When your partner is upset or needs emotional support, how do you typically respond?

The implicit demand to provide support triggers anxiety and avoidance, even though I care deeply I want to help but feel pressured by the expectation, making it hard to respond naturally I can provide support but need to do it in my own way rather than following expected patterns I can naturally provide emotional support when my partner needs it

13

How do you experience following through on promises or commitments to your partner?

Once I've committed, it can feel like a demand I must resist, leading to broken promises I struggle with commitments because they feel restrictive, even if I made them willingly I try to follow through but sometimes struggle when commitments feel too structured I generally keep my promises and commitments to my partner

14

What role does masking or "performing" play in your relationship?

I use elaborate strategies to appear cooperative while avoiding actual demands, which is exhausting I mask my demand avoidance with humor, distraction, or excuses to maintain harmony Sometimes I hide my true feelings to avoid conflict, but can be authentic much of the time I feel comfortable being my authentic self without needing to mask or perform

15

How do you respond when your partner tries to help or problem-solve for you?

Even helpful suggestions feel like demands or criticism that I must resist or reject Offers of help trigger a strong need to prove I can do it myself, even when I'm struggling I appreciate help but prefer to be asked first rather than having solutions offered unsolicited I can accept help and suggestions from my partner without feeling controlled

16

What happens when you perceive inequality or hierarchy in the relationship?

I have an intense, visceral reaction to any perceived power imbalance and must maintain equality I need the relationship to feel completely equal and resist any situation where I feel "less than" I value equality but can accept that different strengths create natural imbalances at times I'm comfortable with the natural ebb and flow of roles and dynamics in partnership

17

How do you experience your partner's attempts to discuss relationship issues or needs?

The conversation itself feels like an unbearable demand that I avoid at all costs I feel trapped when my partner wants to talk about "us" and find ways to deflect or escape These conversations are challenging but I can participate when I'm in the right headspace I can engage in relationship check-ins and discussions about needs without significant resistance

18

When you avoid or resist your partner's requests, what is your internal experience?

I feel overwhelming anxiety and a compulsive need to avoid, even when I know it causes problems The demand feels intolerable and avoidance happens automatically as a protective response I sometimes avoid things due to stress, but can usually manage expectations with communication If I decline a request, it's a conscious choice based on capacity, not an anxious compulsion

19

How do you experience spontaneous gestures of affection or connection from your partner?

Even loving gestures can feel like implied expectations that trigger my need to withdraw I appreciate affection but any pattern or expectation around it makes me resistant I enjoy spontaneous affection and can reciprocate when it feels natural to me I welcome affection and connection from my partner without experiencing it as pressure

20

Overall, how would you describe your experience with everyday relationship expectations?

Nearly all expectations feel like demands that trigger intense anxiety and elaborate avoidance Most expectations trigger significant resistance and require substantial energy to manage Some expectations are manageable while others require negotiation and flexibility I can navigate typical relationship expectations without disproportionate anxiety or resistance

See Your Results

Your Quiz Results

Understanding Support for PDA and Relationships

PDA-Informed Relationship Counseling

• Understanding demand avoidance as an anxiety-driven response
• Reducing demand language and increasing collaborative approaches
• Supporting autonomy while maintaining connection
• Developing PDA-friendly communication strategies for couples
• Addressing masking, burnout, and authentic relating
• Creating low-demand relationship structures that honor both partners

Couples Counseling for Neurodivergent Relationships

• Neurodiversity-affirming approach for both partners
• Building understanding of different neurological processing styles
• Developing sustainable communication patterns
• Managing conflict in neurodivergent-affirming ways
• Balancing individual needs with relationship connection
• Supporting both partners through mutual growth

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