The Pros and Cons of Divorce: What to Consider When You’re Feeling Stuck

Thinking about divorce? You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not the only one googling it late at night when everything feels too heavy.

Maybe things have been off for a long time. Maybe there was a betrayal you can’t shake. Or maybe you’re just quietly wondering if this is really the life you want.

Whatever brought you here, just know this: it’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to weigh the good, the hard, and everything in between.

This isn’t a post to tell you what to do. I’m not here to push you one way or the other. I’m here, as a therapist who’s worked with a lot of people in your shoes, to walk you through the real pros and cons of divorce—so you can think things through with a little more clarity (and a lot less self-blame).

First, Let’s Be Honest...

Just considering divorce doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It doesn’t mean you didn’t try. And it doesn’t mean your relationship was “a mistake.”

It just means something’s not working—and you’re trying to figure out what to do about it.

The Upsides of Divorce (Yes, There Are Some)

1. You Might Finally Breathe Again

If your relationship has been filled with tension, conflict, or just that feeling of constantly being “on,” divorce can bring a huge sense of relief. Sometimes the peace you feel after stepping away is the biggest sign you made the right choice.

2. You Get to Reconnect With You

It’s common to lose yourself in a long-term relationship. Divorce can be a way back to your own identity—your interests, your voice, your needs.

3. It Might Be Better for the Kids

We’ve all heard “stay together for the kids,” but let’s be honest—kids pick up on way more than we give them credit for. If they’re living in a home filled with constant stress or cold silence, separation can actually give them a healthier, calmer environment.

4. Freedom to Start Fresh

New beginnings can be scary and liberating. Divorce can open the door to new relationships, personal growth, and living life more on your terms.

5. Less Daily Emotional Load

Living in a tense or disconnected marriage is draining. Divorce might not solve everything, but for many people, it brings emotional space to finally relax and focus on healing.

The Downsides of Divorce (Because It’s Not All Sunshine)

1. It Can Hurt… Even If It’s the Right Thing

There’s grief involved, even when the relationship wasn’t working. You’re not just ending a marriage—you’re letting go of a shared dream, routines, maybe even a version of yourself.

2. Finances Can Get Tricky

Let’s be real—divorce is expensive. Even if it’s amicable, going from two incomes to one (or splitting assets) can be stressful.

3. Kids May Struggle at First

Kids are resilient, but change is hard. Divorce can bring up confusion, sadness, or even guilt for them. That said, with the right support, most kids adjust really well.

4. You Might Feel Lonely or Untethered

Even in an unhappy marriage, you had structure. Starting over can feel… weird. Lonely. Like you don’t quite know where to land. It’s normal to grieve what was—even if you’re relieved it’s over.

5. The Logistics Can Be Overwhelming

From legal stuff to dividing belongings to figuring out housing or custody—it’s a lot. It can feel like a second full-time job for a while.

What If It’s Not That Bad… Just Not Great?

Maybe your marriage isn’t toxic or abusive—it’s just… flat. You feel more like roommates. You keep wondering, “Is this all there is?”

This is what I call the “gray area marriage.” And honestly? That’s one of the hardest places to be.

You might ask yourself:

• “Am I expecting too much?”

• “Could we fix this if we tried harder?”

• “Would I regret leaving?”

All totally valid questions. And there are no easy answers. But sitting with them—maybe with a therapist or trusted friend—can help you find your truth, not just the one society expects.

A Note for My Neurodivergent Folks

If you’re ADHD, autistic, AuDHD, or neurodivergent in any way—your relationship dynamics might come with some extra layers. Maybe sensory differences are a factor. Maybe communication styles clash. Maybe you’ve spent years masking your needs.

You deserve a relationship where you don’t have to shrink to be accepted. And if that’s not what you’ve got right now, it’s okay to ask what comes next.

Questions to Ask Yourself (No Pressure, Just Curiosity)

• Do I feel more like myself in this relationship—or less?

• Am I staying because I’m afraid, or because I believe we can rebuild?

• What would peace look like for me?

• If nothing changed in the next 5 years, how would that feel?

Sometimes clarity doesn’t come all at once. That’s okay. Just start with noticing.

Therapy When You’re Stuck in Your Marriage

Divorce is messy, painful, freeing, and complicated. No one can make the decision for you—but you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

You’re allowed to ask the hard questions. You’re allowed to want something better. And no matter what you decide, you are still whole, still worthy, and still capable of love and healing.

📅 Thinking about divorce or separation and want support?
I work with individuals and couples all across Texas navigating infidelity, burnout, and big relationship crossroads—especially those who are neurodivergent or feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Let’s talk about what healing could look like for you.