10 Questions to Ask Before Moving In Together (That Can Strengthen Your Relationship)

So, you're thinking about moving in together? Yay! That’s a big deal—and it’s totally normal to feel both excited and a little nervous.

Maybe you’ve already picked out throw pillows, or maybe you're still deciding whose couch is comfier. But before you start swapping keys, it’s a good idea to hit pause for one cozy, honest conversation.

As a therapist, I love when couples take the time to talk through the why, how, and what if of this big step. Not to scare you off, but to help you start this new chapter with clarity, connection, and way fewer surprises.

These aren’t “gotcha” questions—they’re meant to bring you closer, spark some good chats, and remind you why you’re doing this in the first place. Let’s dive in!

1. Why do we want to move in together?

Is it for love? Convenience? Saving money? Avoiding long commutes? All of the above?

Getting clear on the why helps you make sure you're both in it for reasons that feel right—not just logical. You don’t have to have the same answer, but it’s nice to know what’s driving this decision for each of you.

2. What does “home” feel like to you?

Is it quiet and calm, or full of laughter and background music? Do you need alone time to recharge, or do you love having people over?

Understanding each other’s vibe can help you avoid friction down the road—and create a space that feels good for both of you.

3. How do we deal with conflict?

Spoiler: You will argue. Even the best couples do.

What matters is how you handle it. Do you shut down or talk it out? Do you need time to cool off, or do you prefer resolving things right away?

If you’re not sure yet, that’s okay! This is just a chance to be honest about what works—and what doesn’t.

4. How are we going to handle bills, chores, and responsibilities?

Ah yes, the glamorous side of cohabitation. Who does the laundry? Who pays the bills? Are you splitting everything 50/50, or based on income?

Having these conversations up front saves you from keeping score later. Think of it as teamwork—not tit-for-tat.

5. Where are we headed?

Moving in can mean different things to different people. Are you doing this as a step toward marriage? Are you just seeing how it goes?

There’s no right answer here—but mismatched expectations can lead to hurt feelings. Talking about the future now can actually ease the pressure later.

6. How much alone time do we each need?

Even if you adore each other, you probably won’t want to hang out 24/7. (And that’s healthy!)

Are you the type who needs solo time to recharge? Or are you more of a constant-connection kind of person?

Knowing this helps you create space and connection—without guilt.

7. How will we handle guests and shared space?

What if one of you wants a quiet night and the other wants to invite friends over? How do you feel about family visits or houseguests?

Setting expectations early can help avoid awkward surprises—and keep your home feeling like a safe space for both of you.

8. What makes us feel safe, loved, and supported at home?

This question is a big heart-opener. What small things help you feel emotionally safe? What does support look like on a hard day?

Maybe it’s hugs, maybe it’s alone time, maybe it’s someone doing the dishes without being asked. The more you know, the more you can show up for each other in meaningful ways.

9. How will we keep our relationship feeling fresh?

Once you're living together, it’s easy to fall into a routine—and start feeling more like roommates than partners.

How will you stay connected? Date nights? Morning check-ins? Surprise coffee runs?

Even small rituals can make a big difference in keeping the spark alive.

10. What’s our plan if things get tough?

No one wants to think about this—but having a plan doesn’t mean you expect the worst. It means you care enough to think ahead.

What happens if things feel off? Would you try couples therapy? Take space? Talk it through with kindness?

These conversations build trust. Not because you expect to need them—but because you know life can get messy sometimes.

Not Sure Where to Start? Try This.

If this list feels a little overwhelming—take it one question at a time. Light some candles. Make tea. Talk during a walk.

You don’t have to tackle everything in one night. The point isn’t perfection—it’s connection.

And if you hit a sticky spot or realize you have different needs? That’s okay too. It just means you’re being real—and real is where lasting love begins.

Whether you're already packing boxes or just daydreaming about a shared bookshelf, I’m cheering you on. You’re building something beautiful, and these conversations are a powerful part of that process.

And if you ever want support navigating the “big steps” of love—I'm here for that, too.