Special Interests in Relationships: Connecting vs. Giving Space
What Are Special Interests—and Why Do They Matter?
In the autistic community, the term “special interest” refers to an intense, focused passion for a specific topic. This might be marine biology, trains, ancient mythology, a favorite show, a scientific concept, or even a specific band or video game. And while it may seem like a “hobby” from the outside, for many autistic people, special interests are far more than that.
Special interests are:
A source of joy and comfort
A tool for regulation and grounding
A way to explore the world in a way that feels safe and stimulating
A core part of identity and self-expression
Dismissing or minimizing a special interest can feel deeply invalidating. Supporting it, on the other hand, is one of the most affirming things you can do in a relationship.
These passions aren’t childish or obsessive—they’re beautiful, meaningful, and often healing.
Sharing in the Joy: How to Connect Through Their Passion
You don’t have to love trains, animation, geology, or coding to connect with your partner about it. What matters most is showing curiosity and care for something that brings them alive.
Try:
Asking open-ended questions: “What do you love most about it?”
Listening without distraction or judgment
Watching a documentary or joining them at a related event (even if you don’t fully “get it”)
Giving them space to info-dump—and letting it be a gift, not an inconvenience
Remember, special interests are a form of joy-sharing. When your partner talks excitedly about their passion, they’re inviting you into a world that feels safe, exciting, and deeply personal.
Even a little curiosity on your part can go a long way in strengthening your bond.
When Support Looks Like Stepping Back
Sometimes, loving someone means not joining in—but instead giving them uninterrupted space to dive into their interest on their own terms.
Your partner might need:
Long stretches of focused time without conversation
Sensory-friendly environments to fully immerse
Minimal interruptions while they’re “in the zone”
This isn’t about pushing you away. It’s about nourishing a core part of their being.
Supporting someone with a special interest doesn’t always mean participating—it can also mean honoring boundaries and being the calm, steady presence nearby.
You can show love by asking:
“Would you like to share this with me, or do you want solo time with it today?”
“What helps you enjoy this without feeling rushed or interrupted?”
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back—and stay connected from a respectful distance.
Navigating Differences: Balancing Time, Energy, and Attention
It’s completely okay if you and your partner don’t share the same passions—or if their deep interest takes up more space in your lives than you expect.
What matters is creating balance, where both partners:
Feel seen and supported
Have space for their own interests
Can ask for time together and time apart without guilt
You might feel left out, overstimulated, or simply unsure how to engage. That’s valid too.
A few strategies:
Schedule quality time that doesn’t revolve around the interest
Create clear signals for when you need attention or connection
Set gentle boundaries if the interest starts dominating every conversation
This isn’t about reducing their joy—it’s about creating a shared rhythm where you both feel valued.
Creating Rituals Around Special Interests as a Couple
You don’t have to become an expert in your partner’s passion—but you can find ways to make it part of your shared life.
That might look like:
A weekly “show-and-tell” where your partner shares a fun fact or update
Building playlists, Pinterest boards, or journals together about the interest
Attending a museum, convention, or movie that touches on their passion
Watching a short video, then discussing what they found cool about it
By weaving special interests into your shared routine—with mutual consent and clear boundaries—you make space for connection without losing yourself in the process.
It’s a way of saying: I see what matters to you—and I want to honor that with you.
Want Help Navigating Neurodiverse Connection and Communication?
At Sagebrush Counseling, we help neurodiverse couples create meaningful connection around communication differences, sensory needs, and special interests. Whether you're trying to bridge emotional gaps, reduce misunderstandings, or simply learn how to love each other better—we’re here to support you.
