When Do Married Couples Stop Having Sex?

It’s a question that pops up more often than people admit:

“Is it normal that we barely have sex anymore?”

Or even:

“We haven’t had sex in months (or years). Does that mean something’s wrong with us?”

As a therapist, I want you to know: you’re not alone. And no, you’re not broken.

Many couples go through periods—sometimes long ones—where sex becomes less frequent, less passionate, or even nonexistent. It’s more common than you might think, and it doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed.

But it is worth understanding why it happens—and what you can do about it if you want to reconnect.

So, When Do Married Couples Stop Having Sex?

There’s no single answer, because couples are all different. But studies and clinical observations do show that sexual frequency tends to decline over time, especially after certain life transitions:

• After the honeymoon phase (typically 1–2 years in)

• After having children

• During times of chronic stress or grief

• During midlife shifts or hormonal changes

• After long periods of unresolved conflict or emotional disconnection

For some couples, sex becomes occasional but still fulfilling. For others, it may taper off completely.

The term “sexless marriage” is often used to describe couples who have sex fewer than 10 times a year. While that definition isn’t perfect, it can help start the conversation.

Why Does Sex Decline in Long-Term Relationships?

Sex doesn’t disappear overnight. Usually, it fades slowly—quietly—over time.

Here are some common reasons I see in therapy:

1. Emotional Disconnection

Sex often thrives in connection. If communication has broken down, or if resentment is quietly building, it can be hard to feel close enough to be physically intimate.

Many couples avoid hard conversations, thinking they’ll “get through it,” but unresolved tension often shows up in the bedroom.

2. Stress and Exhaustion

Between work, parenting, aging parents, and everyday chaos, many couples feel too drained to prioritize intimacy.

It’s not that the desire is gone—it’s just buried under exhaustion.

3. Body Image and Confidence Shifts

As we age or go through life changes, we can feel less confident in our bodies. That insecurity often translates into less desire for sex or reluctance to be physically vulnerable.

4. Hormonal and Medical Changes

Libido can be affected by:

• Hormonal shifts (e.g. perimenopause, low testosterone)

• Depression or anxiety

• Medications (especially antidepressants)

• Pain or medical conditions

These aren’t just “excuses”—they’re real, and they matter.

5. Different Desire Styles

Some people experience spontaneous desire (they’re “in the mood” out of nowhere), while others have responsive desire (they get turned on after being close or touched).

If couples don’t talk about this, mismatches can lead to misunderstanding and avoidance.

What Does It Mean If We’ve Stopped Having Sex?

A lack of sex can mean different things in different relationships.

Some couples are truly okay with a low- or no-sex dynamic. For others, it creates frustration, loneliness, or even questions about love and compatibility.

What matters most is:

• Are you both on the same page about it?

• Does it feel like something is missing—or something you want to work on?

Sex isn’t everything, but it can be a powerful way to feel connected, playful, and alive together. If one or both of you are feeling the absence, it’s worth exploring gently.

How to Start Rebuilding Intimacy

1. Talk About It (Yes, Really)

This is the hardest part—and the most important. Not from a place of blame or pressure, but from a place of honesty.

You might say:

• “I’ve been missing our physical closeness. How have you been feeling?”

• “Can we talk about how sex has changed for us lately?”

These conversations might feel awkward at first, but they’re where healing begins.

2. Reconnect Outside the Bedroom

Emotional closeness often leads to physical closeness.

Try:

• Going on a date night without screens or kids

• Doing something playful together (walk, game, dancing)

• Saying something kind or appreciative every day

Small emotional repairs build the safety needed for intimacy to return.

3. Explore Intimacy Beyond Intercourse

Many couples feel pressure for sex to look one specific way. But intimacy is about closeness, not performance.

This might mean:

• Cuddling without expectation

• Sharing a slow kiss

• Talking about what feels good and what you miss

Start small, and see where it leads.

4. Address Any Underlying Issues

If you suspect medical, hormonal, or mental health issues, it’s okay (and encouraged) to talk to your doctor or a therapist.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Getting support is a sign of care—not failure.

5. Consider Sex Therapy or Couples Counseling

Sometimes, what you’re facing is bigger than what you can unpack alone.

A therapist trained in sex and relationship dynamics can help you:

• Understand what’s going on beneath the surface

• Create safety and trust

• Rebuild intimacy at your own pace

You deserve to feel good in your relationship—physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Therapy for Intimacy Issues in Texas

If you and your partner haven’t had sex in a while, you’re not weird, broken, or alone.

You’re human. You’re navigating life. And maybe you’re carrying more than you even realize.

Sex isn’t the only sign of love—but it can be a tender, meaningful part of feeling connected. If you’re longing for more closeness, it’s okay to say so.

The important thing isn’t how often you have sex—it’s how safe, supported, and seen you both feel in the relationship.

If you’re ready to explore this together, there’s help. There’s hope. And there’s a path back to one another, one honest moment at a time.