Pleasure Values Clarification Worksheet

A Companion Guide to "Present in Pleasure: ACT for Mindful Sexual Connection"

Sagebrush Counseling
Helping couples create meaningful intimate connections through values-based therapy

Instructions for Use

This worksheet is designed to help you and your partner explore your core values around intimacy, pleasure, and sexual connection. Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) principles, this exercise will guide you toward greater awareness of what truly matters to you in your intimate relationship.

How to Use This Worksheet:

  • Set aside 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time

  • Complete individually first, then share with your partner

  • Be honest and authentic in your responses

  • Remember: there are no right or wrong answers

  • Focus on your personal values, not what you think you "should" value

Part 1: Personal Values Exploration

Core Intimacy Values Assessment

Instructions: Review the values listed below. Circle the 5-7 that resonate most strongly with you in the context of your intimate relationship. Add any important values not listed.

Connection Values:

  • Deep emotional bonding

  • Spiritual connection

  • Playfulness and fun

  • Vulnerability and openness

  • Trust and safety

  • Adventure and exploration

  • Romance and tenderness

Expression Values:

  • Authentic communication

  • Physical affection

  • Sensual pleasure

  • Passionate intensity

  • Gentle nurturing

  • Creative expression

  • Spontaneity

Presence Values:

  • Mindful awareness

  • Being fully present

  • Savoring experiences

  • Slow, intentional connection

  • Quality over quantity

  • Undivided attention

  • Gratitude and appreciation

Growth Values:

  • Learning together

  • Personal development

  • Overcoming challenges

  • Building resilience

  • Healing and recovery

  • Expanding comfort zones

  • Supporting each other's growth

Other Values (add your own):

Values Reflection Questions

1. What does meaningful physical intimacy look like when it aligns with your values?

2. How do you want to feel during intimate moments with your partner?

3. What kind of intimate partner do you aspire to be?

4. When you think about your best intimate experiences, what values were being honored?

Part 2: Pleasure and Mindfulness Assessment

Current Relationship with Pleasure

Instructions: Rate each statement from 1 (never) to 5 (always) based on your current experience.

1. I feel comfortable expressing my sexual desires and preferences ___/5

2. I am able to stay present during intimate moments ___/5

3. I accept my body as it is during intimate connection ___/5

4. I communicate openly about what brings me pleasure ___/5

5. I can enjoy intimacy without worrying about performance ___/5

6. I feel emotionally safe being vulnerable with my partner ___/5

7. I appreciate and savor pleasurable sensations ___/5

8. I approach intimacy with curiosity rather than anxiety ___/5

9. I can accept difficult thoughts/feelings without being controlled by them ___/5

10. I prioritize intimate connection even when life is stressful ___/5

Barriers to Mindful Pleasure

5. What thoughts typically pull you away from being present during intimate moments?

6. What physical sensations or emotions do you tend to avoid or resist?

7. What stories do you tell yourself about your sexuality that may not be helpful?

8. How does stress, worry, or daily life interfere with your ability to connect intimately?

Part 3: Values-Based Goals and Intentions

Creating Your Intimacy Mission Statement

Instructions: Based on your values exploration, write a personal mission statement for your intimate relationship. This should reflect who you want to be as an intimate partner and what you want your sexual connection to represent.

My Intimacy Mission Statement:

Committed Actions

9. Based on your values, what are 3 specific actions you can take to enhance intimate connection in your relationship?

Action 1:

Action 2:

Action 3:

10. How will you know when you're living according to your intimate values?

11. What support do you need from your partner to honor these values?

Part 4: Couple's Conversation Guide

Sharing Your Values (Complete Together)

Instructions: After both partners complete the individual sections, use these prompts to share your discoveries with each other.

Partner A shares while Partner B listens (10 minutes), then switch roles.

Sharing Prompts:

  1. "The values that matter most to me in our intimate relationship are..."

  2. "I feel most connected to you when..."

  3. "Something I'd like you to know about my experience of pleasure is..."

  4. "One thing I appreciate about our intimate connection is..."

  5. "I'd like to explore together..."

Creating Shared Values and Intentions

12. What values do you share as a couple around intimacy and pleasure?

13. What is one shared intention you'd like to set for your intimate relationship?

14. How will you support each other in living according to these values?

Part 5: Mindfulness Practice for Intimate Connection

Daily Mindfulness Exercise

Try this together for the next week:

The 5-Minute Presence Practice:

  1. Sit facing each other comfortably

  2. Take 3 deep breaths together

  3. Spend 2 minutes looking into each other's eyes without talking

  4. Share one thing you're grateful for about your partner

  5. End with a mindful hug, focusing on the sensation of connection

Reflection after each practice:

  • What did you notice about your thoughts and feelings?

  • How did it feel to be fully present with your partner?

  • What made it easy or difficult to stay focused?

Part 6: Progress Tracking

Weekly Check-In Questions

Use these questions for ongoing reflection:

This week, how well did I:

  • Honor my intimate values? (1-10 scale)

  • Stay present during intimate moments? (1-10 scale)

  • Communicate my needs and desires? (1-10 scale)

  • Practice acceptance of myself and my partner? (1-10 scale)

What I want to focus on next week:

One thing I appreciate about our intimate connection this week:

Additional Resources

For Deeper Exploration:

  • Consider couples therapy with an ACT-trained therapist

  • Practice regular mindfulness meditation

  • Read "ACT Made Simple" by Russ Harris

  • Explore "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski

Professional Support: If you'd like guidance working through this worksheet or addressing intimate connection challenges, consider reaching out to a qualified therapist specializing in ACT and sexual wellness.

Contact Sagebrush Counseling

Ready to transform your intimate connection with professional support?

Our ACT-trained therapists can help you apply these concepts and create lasting change in your relationship.

This worksheet is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If you're experiencing significant relationship or sexual difficulties, please consult with a qualified mental health professional.

© 2025 Sagebrush Counseling. All rights reserved.

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