For couples where one partner has ADHD and the other holds both autism and ADHD, exploring shared energy, different depths, and the spaces in between.
1
What We Share and What We Don't
You both know ADHD from the inside. The impulsivity, the time blindness, the emotional intensity, the way focus works on its own schedule. That's your shared language. But the AuDHD partner also carries an autistic dimension that the ADHD partner doesn't share, and that creates a gap in an otherwise deeply understood dynamic. This worksheet helps you see each other across that gap.
ADHD Partner
AuDHD Partner
Why this pairing needs its own worksheet
In this pairing, the ADHD partner understands one dimension of the AuDHD partner's experience fully. But the autistic layer changes how ADHD shows up in the AuDHD partner: their impulsivity has different guardrails, their emotional processing has different depth, and their need for structure comes from a different place. The ADHD partner may sometimes feel like they almost get it, but not quite. That "almost" can be more confusing than a completely different neurotype.
2
How Our ADHD Differs
You share ADHD, but it shows up differently in each of you. The AuDHD partner's ADHD is shaped by their autistic wiring, which changes the texture of nearly every ADHD trait. Mapping the differences helps you stop assuming "same ADHD, same experience."
ADHD Partner
AuDHD Partner
3
Where Our Experiences Diverge
These friction points arise specifically from the overlap and gap between ADHD and AuDHD. They're not about who has it harder. They're about where your shared ADHD creates assumptions that the autistic layer disrupts. Tap each card to explore.
4
How We Communicate
You both communicate with ADHD energy: fast, passionate, topic-jumping, emotionally honest. But the AuDHD partner's autistic side adds layers: a need for directness, difficulty with subtext, potential processing delays, and a different relationship with tone and body language.
"What I need you to know about how I communicate…"
ADHD Partner
AuDHD Partner
Communication tools that honor both of us
5
What Makes Us Extraordinary
Your shared ADHD energy creates a spark that keeps things alive. The AuDHD partner's autistic depth adds dimension that pure ADHD partnerships don't have. Together, you get both the fire and the focus. Tap everything that resonates.
✦ What I love about what you bring that I don't ✦
ADHD Partner
AuDHD Partner
6
Our Conflict Pattern
When conflict arises, both partners feel big emotions fast (shared ADHD trait). But the ADHD partner may push for immediate resolution while the AuDHD partner's autistic side needs to withdraw and process. The ADHD partner reads the withdrawal as rejection; the AuDHD partner feels overwhelmed by the intensity. Sound familiar?
"When we disagree, I typically…"
ADHD Partner
AuDHD Partner
"What I actually need in that moment…"
ADHD Partner
AuDHD Partner
The urgency vs. processing collision
The ADHD partner's rejection sensitivity creates urgency: "We need to fix this NOW or I'll spiral." The AuDHD partner's autistic processing creates the opposite need: "I need space to figure out what I even feel before I can talk about it." Neither need is wrong. The solution: agree on a pause length that feels manageable for both (20 minutes to an hour), with a clear re-engagement method. The ADHD partner gets the reassurance of a return time. The AuDHD partner gets the space to process. Both needs get honored.
7
What We Want to Build
You share a foundation of ADHD understanding that many couples never have. The question is: can you also build understanding for the parts you don't share?
Rate together
We understand both our shared ADHD AND the AuDHD partner's autistic layer
Not yetDeeply
The AuDHD partner's autistic needs are validated, not dismissed as "different ADHD"
Not yetDeeply
The ADHD partner's need for spontaneity and momentum is respected
Not yetDeeply
We can navigate conflict without the urgency vs. processing collision
Not yetDeeply
We see each other's full identity, not just the parts we share
Not yetDeeply
Our commitments
ADHD Partner commits to
AuDHD Partner commits to
✦ Together we commit to ✦
A note for our next session
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Shared Fire, Different Depths
You share a spark that keeps your relationship alive. The ADHD partner brings momentum, adaptability, and infectious energy. The AuDHD partner brings all of that plus a layer of depth, intensity, and complexity that only someone living with both autism and ADHD can offer. Your job isn't to match each other perfectly. It's to keep seeing the whole person, not just the familiar parts.
This worksheet is intended for personal reflection and therapeutic use only. It is not a substitute for professional clinical assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. The content is for educational and self-exploration purposes and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. Always consult with a qualified mental health professional for guidance specific to your situation.