Individual therapy

Relationship OCD (ROCD) Therapy

Therapy for relationship OCD: the intrusive doubts about your partner, your feelings, and your relationship that no amount of checking ever settles. Doubt this loud isn't a verdict on your relationship. It's a loop, and it's treatable.

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50-55 minute sessions ND-affirming ERP & I-CBT 100% online · TX · ME · MT · NH
Is this you?

You love them. Your mind keeps demanding proof.

Every couple has doubts. ROCD is different: the doubt arrives like an alarm, insists it means something, and sends you checking your feelings the way other people check locks. The relationship itself might be fine. The checking is what's wrecking you. If this sounds familiar:

  • "Do I really love them?" plays on a loop, and every time you check your feelings for the answer, the feelings go quiet
  • You scan your partner for flaws, their laugh, their texts, their face, then hate yourself for noticing
  • You compare your relationship to other couples, to your exes, to movies, looking for proof of what you should feel
  • Moments that should be sweet, like an anniversary or an "I love you," trigger a spike of doubt instead
  • You confess every flicker of doubt or attraction to your partner, or quiz them for reassurance, and feel worse after
  • You've googled "how do I know if I'm really in love" more times than you could ever admit
Understanding the loop

The doubt isn't data. It's the disorder.

ROCD is a form of OCD that picks your relationship as its theme, precisely because you care about it. The loop runs in predictable stages, and every check you run to settle the doubt is what keeps it alive.

The relationship OCD loop A cycle of five stages connected by arrows in a circle: a doubt arrives about your feelings or your partner, the alarm sounds insisting the doubt must mean something, checking and comparing follows, a moment of certainty comes, and the certainty fades faster each time, feeding back around. The center is labeled: the loop, not the relationship. The loop, not the relationship and around again, unless it's interrupted The doubt arrives "do I really love them?" The alarm sounds "this must mean something" Checking & comparing feelings, exes, other couples A moment of certainty "okay, we're fine", briefly It fades faster each check buys less peace

Checking buys certainty with a shrinking shelf life. The way out isn't a better answer to the doubt. It's learning to let the question go unanswered, and that's a trainable skill.

Who I work with

Every version of the doubt

Whether it targets your feelings or your partner, whether you're three months in or twenty years deep. The theme varies; the loop is the same.

Doubts about your feelings

"Do I love them enough? Am I attracted enough? Is this what love feels like?"

Fixation on your partner

Scanning their looks, intelligence, or habits for flaws, and hating that you do.

At commitment milestones

Engagement, moving in, marriage, kids: the moments ROCD loves to ambush.

Years into the relationship

A decade in and still checking, still comparing, still not allowed to just be happy.

Neurodivergent adults

ROCD alongside ADHD or autism, where the doubt tangles with rejection sensitivity and masking.

What we work on

Four fronts, worked in sequence

The goal is never to convince you the relationship is right or wrong. It's to shrink the loop so that whatever you choose, you're choosing it, not the doubt.

Seeing ROCD as ROCD

Learning to recognize the doubt spike, the "this must mean something" alarm, and every compulsion, including the sneaky ones: comparing, confessing, feeling-checking, and mental relationship reviews.

Letting the question sit

Exposure and response prevention, adapted for ROCD: practicing life with the doubt unanswered, in graded steps you agree to. Uncertainty tolerance is the muscle, and it grows with training.

Retiring the reassurance economy

Winding down the confessing, quizzing, and googling, and helping you (and your partner, if they're involved) stop trading reassurance that expires faster every time.

Loving by choice, not by proof

Rebuilding the relationship behaviors ROCD suspended: presence, affection, and plans made without a certainty test first. Love as something you do, while the mind chatters.

How treatment works

A clear, structured plan, built in sequence

This is structured work built around exposure and response prevention (ERP), the leading evidence-based treatment for OCD, adapted for relationship themes. By session three you'll know your plan, its phases, and roughly how long the work takes. Sessions are 50-55 minutes.

I'm trained in both ERP and inference-based CBT (I-CBT), a newer evidence-based OCD treatment that works through reasoning rather than exposure. Some people do best with one, some with a blend, and if ERP elsewhere felt like too much, I-CBT offers another route to the same recovery. We choose together. My OCD care is also neurodivergence-affirming: ERP and I-CBT adapted for Autistic and ADHD adults, where sensory needs, routines, and communication differences are part of the plan instead of mistaken for symptoms. Few OCD practices work this way. It matters if you're neurodivergent, and it helps if you're not, because the same flexibility shapes treatment to you instead of a script.

One promise up front: I will never tell you to stay or to leave. ROCD treatment isn't a verdict on your relationship; it's getting the doubt loop out of the driver's seat so your decisions, all of them, come from your values instead of your fear.

How my methods work →

1

Assessment

Your doubt themes, triggers, and compulsions, spoken and mental.

2

Your loop map

How your specific loop runs, ranked from easiest to hardest to face.

3

Graded practice

ERP for relationship doubt, at a pace you set together.

4

Consolidation

Becoming your own therapist, with a real plan for doubt flare-ups.

Format

All sessions online via secure, HIPAA-compliant video. You must be physically located in Texas, Maine, Montana, or New Hampshire at the time of session. This is individual work; if couples support would also help, couples therapy is available separately.

Insurance

Visit the services page to see which insurances are accepted, along with current rates and private pay options.

Approach

Trained in both exposure and response prevention (ERP) and inference-based CBT (I-CBT), with specialized experience providing ERP for neurodivergent adults. Full credentials →

Common questions

About ROCD therapy

Quick answers. The full FAQ page has the rest. Not sure if this is you? The ROCD quiz on the blog can help you explore.

Related: OCD therapy, contamination OCD, and perfectionism OCD.

No. ROCD says nothing about whether your relationship is right; that's exactly what makes it so cruel. The doubt attacks good relationships and struggling ones alike, because it's generated by the loop, not by the facts. Treatment quiets the loop first, and from that quieter place, your own judgment about the relationship becomes trustworthy again.
Volume, stickiness, and cost. Ordinary doubts visit, get considered, and move on. ROCD doubts arrive with alarm-level urgency, demand immediate resolution, return within hours of being "settled," and drive hours of checking, comparing, and reassurance-seeking. If the doubting itself has become the biggest problem in your relationship, that's the pattern this work addresses.
No, and be wary of anyone who would. My job is to get the doubt loop out of the driver's seat. Once checking and reassurance aren't running the show, people find their own answer, and it's one they can finally trust, because it came from them and not from the compulsion.
No. Real issues, like communication, conflict, or incompatibility, deserve real attention, and they get it. The distinction matters, though: ROCD checking can't solve genuine problems, and couples work can't quiet an OCD loop. We sort out which is which, treat the loop here, and bring in couples work if the relationship itself needs it.
Sometimes, and it can help, especially around reassurance: partners often become the loop's unpaid employee, answering the same questions nightly. With your consent, we can bring your partner in to learn how to support you without feeding the compulsion. The core work stays yours.
No. Self-identified and questioning adults are welcome, and clarifying what's going on is part of the assessment phase. ROCD is also one of the most missed presentations, often mistaken for a relationship problem for years, so arriving without a label is the norm here, not the exception.

You can love someone and doubt loudly. Let's turn the volume down.

The consultation is free and short. We'll talk by phone (I'll call you at the time you schedule) and see if we're a fit. No pressure, no commitment.

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Free 15-min consultation