For two partners who each hold both autism and ADHD, exploring the extraordinary depth, shared internal contradictions, and growth areas of your partnership.
1
The Rarest Kind of Understanding
When two AuDHD people find each other, the level of mutual recognition can be staggering. You both know what it's like to crave routine and novelty at the same time, to feel everything deeply while struggling to name it, and to live with two operating systems running simultaneously. Nobody else gets it the way you do. But "same wiring" doesn't mean "same experience," and your differences within the AuDHD spectrum deserve just as much attention as your similarities.
Partner A
Partner B
Why AuDHD + AuDHD is its own category
AuDHD is not "autism plus ADHD." It's a distinct experience where both neurotypes interact and modify each other. When two AuDHD people partner up, you get four systems in play: two autistic experiences and two ADHD experiences, all interacting differently in each person. This creates a uniquely layered dynamic that no other pairing shares. This worksheet is specifically for your experience.
2
How Our AuDHD Shows Up Differently
Your AuDHD balance is unique to you. In one partner, the autistic traits might lead; in the other, the ADHD traits might be more prominent. Mapping this helps you understand why you don't always respond the same way despite sharing the same identity.
Partner A
Partner B
3
Where Two AuDHD Worlds Intersect
You share the same dual wiring, but the way it plays out in each of you can create unexpected friction. Tap each card to explore what's happening and how to navigate it together.
4
Comparing Our Internal Tug-of-War
Every AuDHD person lives with internal contradictions, but yours look different from your partner's. Understanding each other's specific version of this helps you support each other with precision instead of assumptions.
Check the contradictions you each experience
Partner A
Partner B
5
How We Communicate
Two AuDHD communicators can go deep fast, switch topics at lightning speed, and understand each other's tangents intuitively. You can also both struggle with processing delays, emotional flooding, and saying things bluntly at the worst possible moment. The key is knowing each other's patterns.
"Something I love about how we communicate…"
Partner A
Partner B
"Something I need us to work on…"
Partner A
Partner B
Communication tools that help us
6
What Makes Us Extraordinary
AuDHD + AuDHD partnerships carry a kind of depth and understanding that's almost impossible to find elsewhere. Tap everything that resonates.
✦ What I treasure about being with another AuDHD person ✦
Partner A
Partner B
7
When We Both Go Offline
AuDHD + AuDHD conflict can be uniquely intense because both partners may experience emotional flooding AND shutdown simultaneously, or oscillate between the two rapidly. Planning for this is essential because in the moment, neither of you will have the bandwidth to improvise.
"When we hit a conflict, I tend to…"
Partner A
Partner B
"What I actually need when we're both activated…"
Partner A
Partner B
The four-system collision
In AuDHD + AuDHD conflict, there are effectively four systems in play: each partner's autistic response (shutdown, rigidity, overwhelm) and each partner's ADHD response (emotional flooding, impulsivity, rejection sensitivity). These can fire in any combination. One partner might flood while the other shuts down, then they switch. The only reliable strategy: stop everything. No one resolves anything in a four-system collision. Pause, separate, regulate, and return with a pre-agreed method (written note, gentle text, a specific re-entry phrase like "I'm ready to try again").
8
What We Want to Build
You understand each other's complexity in a way that few people ever will. What does your ideal AuDHD partnership look and feel like?
Rate together
We understand each other's specific AuDHD balance, not just AuDHD in general
Not yetDeeply
We have systems that don't rely on either person's executive function
Not yetDeeply
Home is a place where we can both unmask and recover
Not yetDeeply
We have a plan for when we're both overwhelmed
Not yetDeeply
We celebrate our shared complexity instead of seeing it as a problem
Not yetDeeply
Our commitments
Partner A commits to
Partner B commits to
✦ Together we commit to ✦
A note for our next session
+
Two Complex Worlds, One Extraordinary Bond
You each contain multitudes. Together, you've found someone who doesn't just tolerate that complexity but shares it, lives it, and loves you through it. Keep naming what's happening inside you. Keep being curious about what's happening inside each other. Keep building a life that honors all four of your operating systems. Nobody else could build what you're building.
This worksheet is intended for personal reflection and therapeutic use only. It is not a substitute for professional clinical assessment, diagnosis, or treatment. The content is for educational and self-exploration purposes and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. Always consult with a qualified mental health professional for guidance specific to your situation.