Recognizing Critical Communication Patterns

Warning Signs You Might Be Using Critical Language:

Using "always" or "never" statements

Focusing on character rather than behavior

Using dismissive tone or words

Bringing up past unrelated issues

Using "you are..." instead of "I feel..."

Assuming negative intentions

Self-Check Before Speaking:

Am I addressing a specific behavior, not their character?

Am I using "I" statements to express my feelings?

Am I speaking about this specific situation only?

Am I assuming positive intent from my partner?

Would I want to hear this said to me in this way?

Critique vs. Better Communication

Critical Language

"You never listen to me!"
Attacks character with absolute terms

"You're so messy and disorganized!"
Labels the person rather than addressing behavior

"Why can't you just be normal?"
Dismisses neurodivergent differences

"You always do this, just like last month when..."
Brings up past unrelated issues

"You don't care about me at all."
Assumes negative intentions

Supportive Communication

"I feel unheard when we talk about X. Can we try a different approach?"
Uses "I" statements and suggests solutions

"I notice the kitchen got messy. Can we work out a system together?"
Addresses specific behavior, suggests collaboration

"I appreciate your unique way of processing things."
Validates neurodivergent differences

"This specific situation is frustrating for me right now."
Stays focused on the current issue

"I know you care about me. Can you help me understand your perspective?"
Assumes positive intent and seeks understanding

Communication Tools for Neurodiverse Couples

The STOP Method

Stop and pause before reacting

Think about your partner's intent

Observe your own emotions

Proceed with kindness

Script Templates

When frustrated: "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we take a break and revisit this?"

When triggered: "That touched a sensitive spot for me. Can you help me understand what you meant?"

Neurodiversity Awareness

Remember that your partner's brain may process information differently. What seems obvious to you might not be to them, and vice versa.

Timing Matters

Choose calm moments for important conversations. Avoid discussing sensitive topics when either of you is tired, hungry, or overwhelmed.

Building Better Patterns Together

Daily Practice Goals:

Practice one "I" statement instead of "you" statement today

Ask for clarification before assuming negative intent

Take a pause when feeling triggered

Appreciate one neurodivergent strength in my partner

Use a repair attempt if conversation goes sideways

Quick Tips for Neurodiverse Communication

Be Specific: Vague requests can be confusing. Instead of "clean up," try "please put the dishes in the dishwasher."

Check Understanding: Ask "What did you hear me say?" to ensure your message was received as intended.

Honor Processing Time: Some people need extra time to process information before responding.

Create Repair Rituals: Develop phrases you both use to reset when conversations get heated.

Celebrate Differences: Your unique neurological styles are strengths, not problems to fix.

Use Visual Aids: Sometimes writing down thoughts or using charts can help communicate complex feelings.

Remember: Building better communication takes time and practice. Be patient with yourselves and each other. Consider printing this worksheet and keeping it handy as a reference tool.

This worksheet works best when both partners commit to using these tools together.

Communication Worksheet for Neurodiverse Couples