What Is Inner Child Therapy?

Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that addresses the younger, vulnerable parts of yourself that still carry unmet needs, unprocessed emotions, and early wounds. Your "inner child" represents the emotional experiences, memories, and needs from your formative years that continue to influence your adult feelings, behaviors, and relationships.

When childhood needs weren't met—whether for safety, love, validation, or protection—those younger parts of you don't simply disappear. They remain within you, influencing how you feel about yourself, how you respond to stress, and what you expect from relationships. Inner child therapy helps you connect with these younger parts, provide what they needed but didn't receive, and integrate their experiences so they no longer control your present life.

At Sagebrush Counseling, we integrate inner child work with attachment-based therapy, parts work, self-compassion therapy, and psychodynamic therapy. This comprehensive approach addresses both childhood wounds and present-day healing.

"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

— African Proverb

Common Inner Child Wounds

How unmet childhood needs show up in adult life

Abandonment Wound

When caregivers were absent, inconsistent, or left

Creates fear of being left, difficulty trusting others' commitment, or clinging to relationships. You might push people away before they can leave you, or become anxious when someone is unavailable.

Intense fear of rejection or abandonment
Difficulty being alone without anxiety
Testing relationships to see if people will stay
Feeling fundamentally unlovable

Neglect Wound

When needs for attention, care, or nurturing were ignored

Results in feeling invisible, difficulty asking for help, or chronically putting others' needs first. You learned your needs don't matter and you're not worth caring for.

Difficulty identifying or expressing needs
Feeling like a burden when asking for anything
Over-functioning and self-sufficiency to extreme
Chronic emptiness or sense of not mattering

Invalidation Wound

When feelings, perceptions, or experiences were dismissed

Creates self-doubt, difficulty trusting your own reality, or constantly seeking external validation. You learned that your feelings and perceptions can't be trusted.

Second-guessing your own feelings and perceptions
Needing others to confirm your reality
Difficulty trusting your own judgment
Apologizing for having emotions or needs

Criticism & Shame Wound

When you were harshly criticized, shamed, or never good enough

Leads to perfectionism, harsh inner critic, fear of judgment, or feeling fundamentally flawed. You internalized the message that you're defective or unworthy.

Relentless self-criticism and perfectionism
Fear of making mistakes or being judged
Shame about who you are at your core
Inability to accept compliments or success

Safety Wound

When home was unpredictable, chaotic, or dangerous

Creates hypervigilance, difficulty relaxing, control issues, or expecting danger. You never learned that the world can be safe or that you can let your guard down.

Constant anxiety and need for control
Difficulty trusting others or feeling safe
Hypervigilance to threat or mood changes
Never feeling able to fully relax

Parentification Wound

When you had to be the adult or caretaker too young

Results in difficulty receiving care, over-responsibility, or losing connection to playfulness and spontaneity. You never got to be a child who was taken care of.

Difficulty letting others care for you
Over-responsibility for others' wellbeing
Loss of playfulness or ability to have fun
Feeling older than your years

Reparenting Yourself

Providing what your inner child needed but didn't receive

What Is Reparenting?

Reparenting means becoming the caring, attuned, protective adult for yourself that you needed but didn't have consistently in childhood. It's about providing your inner child with the love, validation, boundaries, safety, and nurturing they deserved but didn't receive.

This doesn't mean your parents were intentionally harmful—many did the best they could with their own wounds and limitations. Reparenting recognizes that regardless of why needs weren't met, you can meet them now for yourself.

Providing Safety & Protection

Your inner child needs to know that adult-you will keep them safe. This means setting boundaries, protecting yourself from harmful people or situations, and reassuring your inner child that you won't abandon them.

Set boundaries that protect your wellbeing
Remove yourself from unsafe situations
Reassure your inner child: "I won't let that happen to you anymore"
Create stability and predictability in your life

Offering Validation & Acceptance

Your inner child needs their feelings, perceptions, and experiences validated. This means acknowledging what happened, believing your own memories and emotions, and accepting all parts of yourself.

Validate your inner child's feelings: "It makes sense you felt that way"
Believe your own experiences and memories
Accept emotions without judgment
Honor your perceptions and reality

Giving Love & Nurturing

Your inner child needs unconditional love and gentle care. This means speaking kindly to yourself, attending to your needs, and treating yourself with tenderness.

Speak to yourself with warmth and gentleness
Attend to physical and emotional needs consistently
Offer comfort when you're hurting
Celebrate yourself and your accomplishments

Allowing Play & Joy

Your inner child needs permission to play, have fun, and experience joy without guilt. This means reconnecting with spontaneity, creativity, and lightness.

Engage in activities purely for enjoyment
Allow yourself to be silly or playful
Let go of constant productivity demands
Reconnect with childhood activities you loved

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

— Tom Robbins

The Process of Inner Child Healing

How inner child therapy unfolds in therapeutic work

1

Becoming Aware

The first step is recognizing when your inner child is activated—when you're reacting from old wounds rather than responding to present reality. You begin noticing patterns rooted in childhood experiences.

2

Making Contact

You learn to connect with your inner child through visualization, dialogue, or simply tuning into younger feelings. This creates a relationship between adult-you and child-you.

3

Listening & Understanding

You give your inner child space to express what they experienced, how they felt, and what they needed. This often involves grieving what should have been but wasn't.

4

Providing What Was Missing

Through reparenting, you offer your inner child the safety, validation, love, and care they needed. This isn't imagination—it creates real neural changes and emotional healing.

5

Integration

As your inner child heals, they become integrated rather than split off. You access childlike qualities—playfulness, curiosity, wonder—without being controlled by childhood wounds.

Integrating Inner Child Work with Other Approaches

How inner child therapy enhances and deepens other therapeutic modalities

Inner Child + Attachment Therapy

Attachment wounds are held by inner child parts. Combining these approaches helps you understand how early relationships created attachment patterns while actively healing those wounds through reparenting.

Learn more about Attachment Therapy →

Inner Child + Parts Work

Inner child work is a form of parts work focused specifically on younger parts. Together, they help you understand your internal system and create healing for wounded child parts.

Learn more about Parts Work →

Inner Child + Self-Compassion

Self-compassion provides the stance of kindness and warmth needed for inner child healing. You learn to treat your inner child with the same compassion you'd offer any hurt child.

Learn more about Self-Compassion →

Inner Child + Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic work uncovers how early experiences shaped you, while inner child work provides direct healing for those experiences. This combination offers both insight and repair.

Learn more about Psychodynamic Therapy →

Inner Child + EFT

In couples therapy, understanding each partner's inner child wounds helps explain relationship triggers and vulnerabilities. Reparenting work supports emotional availability in relationships.

Learn more about EFT →

"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely."

— Carl Jung

What Inner Child Therapy Helps With

Issues rooted in childhood wounds and unmet developmental needs

Childhood Trauma

Processing abuse, neglect, abandonment, or other painful childhood experiences. Healing wounds that continue affecting your present life.

Relationship Patterns

Recreating familiar dynamics from childhood, choosing similar partners, or having the same conflicts repeatedly based on early experiences.

Attachment Issues

Anxious or avoidant attachment patterns rooted in inconsistent or unavailable caregiving. Healing early attachment wounds to create secure connections.

Low Self-Worth

Feeling fundamentally unlovable, defective, or unworthy based on messages received in childhood. Building self-worth through reparenting.

Chronic Shame

Deep-seated shame about who you are, rooted in criticism, rejection, or abuse. Learning to accept and love your inner child reduces adult shame.

People-Pleasing

Over-accommodating others from childhood beliefs that your needs don't matter or that love is conditional on being "good."

Difficulty with Emotions

Emotional suppression, overwhelm, or confusion when emotions weren't allowed or validated in childhood. Learning to feel and express emotions safely.

Control Issues

Need to control everything from growing up in chaos or unpredictability. Helping your inner child feel safe enough to let go.

Inability to Play or Relax

Lost connection to joy, spontaneity, or fun from having to grow up too fast. Reconnecting with playful inner child parts.

Fear of Abandonment

Intense anxiety about being left, rejected, or alone rooted in early abandonment experiences. Reassuring your inner child they won't be abandoned again.

Difficulty Receiving Care

Unable to let others care for you or accept help from never having been cared for adequately. Learning to receive through reparenting.

Unprocessed Grief

Grieving what should have been—the childhood, parents, safety, or love you deserved but didn't receive. Mourning these losses allows healing.

Who Benefits from Inner Child Therapy

This approach helps those healing from childhood wounds and developmental trauma

Those with Difficult Childhoods

You experienced trauma, neglect, abuse, or significant emotional wounds in childhood that still affect you today. You're ready to heal those wounds at their source.

People with Attachment Wounds

Early relationships were inconsistent, unavailable, or harmful, creating anxious or avoidant attachment. You want to heal these patterns through reparenting.

Those Who Grew Up Too Fast

You had to be the adult or caretaker from a young age. You lost connection to playfulness and now want to reclaim that part of yourself.

Individuals with Relationship Patterns

You keep recreating familiar dynamics or choosing similar partners. You recognize these patterns come from childhood and want to break the cycle.

Those Struggling with Self-Worth

Deep-seated feelings of being unlovable, defective, or unworthy trace back to childhood messages. You want to build self-worth from within.

Anyone Ready to Grieve

You're willing to acknowledge and mourn what you didn't get in childhood. This grief, while painful, opens the door to genuine healing and freedom.

Inner Child Therapy