EFT Listening Skills & Emotional Attunement Worksheet
About EFT Listening: Emotionally Focused Therapy emphasizes creating emotional safety, accessing primary emotions, and fostering secure attachment bonds. This worksheet focuses on EFT-specific listening skills that help clients feel deeply understood and emotionally safe.
EFT Listening Foundation
Core EFT Listening Principles
Emotional Attunement
Listen for and reflect the emotional undertones, not just the content. Tune into the feeling behind the words.
Attachment Awareness
Listen for attachment needs, fears, and longings. What does this person need to feel secure and connected?
Primary Emotion Focus
Distinguish between surface emotions (anger, frustration) and deeper primary emotions (hurt, fear, sadness).
Vulnerability Validation
Create safety for emotional vulnerability by validating and normalizing difficult emotions.
Cycle Interruption
Listen for and help interrupt negative cycles by slowing down and exploring underlying emotions.
Emotional Validation & Attunement
EFT Validation Techniques
Emotional Reflection
"I can hear the hurt in your voice when you talk about that" or "There's such sadness in what you're sharing"
Attachment Validation
"Of course you need to feel safe in this relationship" or "It makes perfect sense that you'd want reassurance"
Vulnerability Honoring
"Thank you for sharing something so tender with me" or "I can see how hard it is to let me see this part of you"
Somatic Awareness
"I notice your breathing changed when you said that" or "Your whole body seems to relax when you talk about feeling loved"
Process Validation
"This process of opening up is really brave" or "I can see you're working hard to stay connected to your feelings"
Which techniques would you like to practice more?
Identify areas for development...
Primary vs. Secondary Emotions
Understanding Emotional Layers
Secondary Emotions (Surface/Protective)
Anger, frustration, irritation, criticism, defensiveness, withdrawal, numbness, contempt
Primary Emotions (Core/Authentic)
Hurt, fear, sadness, loneliness, shame, joy, love, excitement, vulnerability, longing
Attachment Emotions
Fear of abandonment, need for closeness, desire for security, fear of rejection, longing for acceptance
Practice identifying primary emotions: "I'm so angry at my partner for always being late!"
What primary emotions might be underneath this anger? (e.g., hurt that I don't feel prioritized, fear that I'm not important...)
Practice emotional depth: "I don't care anymore, I'm just done trying."
What deeper emotions might be behind this statement of numbness?
EFT Principle: "The emotion underneath the emotion is usually softer, more vulnerable, and more attachment-focused."
Attachment-Focused Listening
Listening for Attachment Needs
Common Attachment Patterns to Listen For
Anxious Attachment Expressions
"Am I enough?" "Will you leave me?" "I need constant reassurance" "I'm afraid of being abandoned"
Avoidant Attachment Expressions
"I need space" "I don't want to be controlled" "I can handle this myself" "Don't get too close"
Disorganized Attachment Expressions
"I want closeness but I'm afraid" "I push people away when I need them most" "I don't know what I need"
Secure Attachment Expressions
"I can share my needs clearly" "I trust we can work through this" "I feel safe being vulnerable"
How do you typically respond to anxious attachment expressions?
Your response pattern...
How do you typically respond to avoidant attachment expressions?
Your response pattern...
Cycle Awareness & Interruption
Listening for Negative Cycles
EFT focuses on breaking negative interaction cycles by slowing down and accessing underlying emotions.
Common Cycle: The Pursue-Withdraw Pattern
Pursuer says: "You never talk to me anymore. Why won't you share what's going on?"
Withdrawer says: "I need some space. You're always wanting to talk about feelings."
What underlying emotions and attachment needs might each person have in this cycle?
Practice cycle interruption: How would you slow this cycle down using EFT listening?
Write how you would help each person access their primary emotions and attachment needs...
What negative cycles do you notice in your own relationships or with clients?
Describe patterns you observe...
Creating Emotional Safety
How do you create emotional safety through your listening presence?
Describe your approach to creating safety...
Vulnerability & Risk Assessment
Assessing Emotional Risk-Taking
Rate how well you support these aspects of emotional vulnerability (1=Poor, 4=Excellent):
EFT Empathy Practice
Empathic Responding Scenarios
Client says: "I just shut down when my partner gets upset. I don't know what else to do."
EFT-focused empathic response:
Focus on the attachment fear and protective strategy...
Client says: "I keep asking for reassurance but I never feel like it's enough."
EFT-focused empathic response:
Validate the attachment hunger and underlying fear...
Client says: "I'm tired of always being the one who has to bring up problems."
EFT-focused empathic response:
Explore the exhaustion and attachment longing...
Client says: "I don't want to need anyone. It's safer to just depend on myself."
EFT-focused empathic response:
Acknowledge the self-protection and hidden longing...
Somatic & Non-Verbal Attunement
Practice somatic reflection: "I notice your shoulders just dropped and you're breathing deeper. What just shifted for you?"
Create your own somatic observations and gentle inquiries...
EFT Listening Integration
What is most challenging about EFT-style listening for you?
Identify your growth edges...
How do you manage your own emotional reactions when listening to intense emotions?
Self-regulation strategies...
What helps you stay present with difficult attachment emotions?
Presence practices...
How has practicing EFT listening changed your relationships?
Reflect on the impact of deeper emotional attunement...
"Being deeply listened to can be as healing as being deeply loved." - In EFT, we listen not just to words, but to the heart's deepest longings for connection and safety.
EFT Listening Development Plan
How will you practice and integrate these EFT listening skills?
Create your practice plan...
Remember: EFT listening is about creating a safe haven where people can access and express their deepest emotions and attachment needs. The goal is to help others feel truly seen, understood, and emotionally held in their most vulnerable moments.
