Should We Go to Couples Therapy While Dating?
Most couples wait until they're exhausted and resentful before seeking help. Couples therapy when dating is an option for people who'd rather not wait that long.
Couples therapy when dating isn't a sign that something is wrong. It's a way of taking a relationship seriously enough to invest in it early, when there's still plenty of room to build good patterns rather than spend years trying to undo bad ones.
Couples therapy for dating couples at Sagebrush Counseling. We work with couples at all stages, including those who are dating and want support building something solid. Telehealth sessions available throughout Maine, Montana, and Texas.
Schedule a Complimentary Consult →Why Couples Seek Therapy While Dating
The idea that therapy is for relationships that are already broken is one of the most persistent barriers to people getting useful support. Research by Doss and colleagues (2004) found that the average couple waits six years after significant problems emerge before seeking help. By that point, patterns are deeply entrenched, goodwill has often eroded, and both partners may be arriving with significant accumulated pain. Earlier intervention tends to produce better outcomes, not because early problems are easier but because there's more to work with.
Couples who come to therapy while dating are often there for one of a few reasons:
- A specific conflict that keeps repeating. The argument that circles back every few weeks, that neither person knows how to resolve, that leaves both people feeling unheard. These loops are easier to interrupt early than after years of repetition.
- A significant life decision on the horizon. Moving in together, long-distance transitions, navigating families, discussing futures. Having a structured space to talk through something high-stakes can be more useful than trying to navigate it in the middle of an already charged conversation.
- Different communication styles or attachment patterns. Two people who process things differently, one who wants to talk it through immediately and one who needs space, can learn a lot in a few sessions about how to meet in the middle rather than defaulting to the same frustrating dynamic.
- A history that one or both partners is aware of. Someone who knows they have an anxious attachment style, or who has been through a hard previous relationship, may want support in not repeating old patterns with someone new.
- The relationship is going well and they want to keep it that way. This is more common than people assume. Not every couple in therapy is struggling. Some are investing.
What Therapy Can Offer a Dating Couple
Couples therapy when dating tends to feel different from crisis-driven couples work. The emotional temperature is often lower, which means both people have more capacity to actually take in what's happening in the session rather than spending most of it managing distress. That creates room for a different kind of learning.
A lot of the work centers on understanding each other more clearly, not just what each person wants from the relationship, but how each person functions inside of it. What does each partner need when they're stressed? How do they tend to pull away or push toward when they feel hurt? What stories are they bringing from earlier relationships or earlier in their lives that shape how they interpret what's happening now? Getting curious about those things together, with a third person holding the space, tends to build a kind of relational self-awareness that serves the couple for a long time.
There's also something useful about establishing a shared language early. Couples who have words for what's happening between them, who can say "I think I'm getting activated" or "I notice I'm pulling back right now" rather than just acting from those states, tend to navigate conflict more cleanly. Therapy can be where that language gets built.
The patterns that define a long-term relationship are usually set early. Couples therapy when dating is one way to have some say in what those patterns become.
Is This Just for Serious Relationships?
Not necessarily. The question of whether couples therapy makes sense is less about how long you've been together and more about whether the relationship matters enough to both of you to invest in it. Some couples have been together six months and are navigating real complexity. Others have been together three years and feel like they've been coasting and want to understand why.
What therapy can't do is manufacture commitment that isn't there or resolve a fundamental incompatibility through communication tools. But for two people who genuinely want to understand each other better and build something more intentional, it can be a useful space regardless of where they are in the timeline.
Individual therapy alongside couples work is sometimes worth considering too, particularly if one or both partners is carrying something personal that keeps surfacing in the relationship. You can get a sense of the different ways we work on our services page.
Telehealth sessions for dating couples anywhere in Maine, Montana, or Texas.
Schedule a Complimentary Consult →Getting Started at Sagebrush
If you're in a dating relationship and wondering whether therapy might be useful, that instinct is worth following. You don't need a crisis to justify the call. A complimentary consultation is a low-stakes way to get a sense of whether the fit feels right and what working together might look like.
All sessions at Sagebrush are via telehealth, so there's no need to coordinate schedules around a commute or find a time you can both be in the same location. If you're new to online therapy and want to know what to expect, you can read more about how online therapy works at Sagebrush.
We serve couples throughout the state of Maine (including Brunswick and beyond), the whole of Montana, and anywhere in Texas, including Austin, Houston, Dallas, and Midland. You don't need to be near a specific office. You need a therapist, a private space, and a reliable connection.
All sessions via telehealth — connect from anywhere in your state.
Couples Therapy for Dating Couples at Sagebrush
Telehealth therapy for couples at all stages. Join from anywhere in Maine, Montana, or Texas — all sessions are virtual.
Schedule a Complimentary ConsultationCouples therapy when dating is for people who see something worth investing in and want to give it the best chance they can. If that's where you are, we'd be glad to be part of that.
— Sagebrush Counseling
1. Doss, B.D., Rhoades, G.K., Stanley, S.M., & Markman, H.J. (2004). The effect of the transition to parenthood on relationship quality: An 8-year prospective study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(3), 601–619. View on PubMed
2. Markman, H.J., Rhoades, G.K., Stanley, S.M., Ragan, E.P., & Whitton, S.W. (2010). The premarital communication roots of marital distress and divorce: The first five years of marriage. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(3), 289–298. View on PubMed
3. Hawkins, A.J., Blanchard, V.L., Baldwin, S.A., & Fawcett, E.B. (2008). Does marriage and relationship education work? A meta-analytic study. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 76(5), 723–734. View on PubMed
