Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues
Relationship struggles are one of the most common reasons people seek individual therapy, and one of the most underappreciated ones. There's a tendency to assume that if the problem is relational, the solution must also be relational. That both people need to be in the room. But that isn't always how it works, and it isn't always the right fit, at least not to begin with.
Individual therapy for relationship issues is its own distinct and valuable path. Whether you're navigating conflict in a marriage, feeling stuck in a new relationship, processing patterns you keep bringing into your partnerships, or working through something in a non-traditional relationship structure, there is a lot that can shift when you have a space that's fully yours.
This post is for anyone asking themselves: do I need couples therapy, or could individual therapy be what I actually need right now? And what does individual therapy for relationship issues even look like?
Relationship Issues That Bring People to Individual Therapy
The range of issues that bring someone into individual therapy because of a relationship is genuinely wide. It doesn't have to be a crisis. And it doesn't have to involve a partner who's willing to participate. Here are some of the most common areas people come in to work on.
Communication patterns that keep repeating
Maybe you shut down during conflict. Maybe you escalate quickly and say things you later regret. Maybe you struggle to ask for what you need without feeling guilty, or you notice that every relationship eventually hits the same wall. These patterns are often deeply rooted in early experiences and attachment history, and they're something individual therapy is really well suited to explore.
Issues within a marriage or long-term partnership
Individual therapy can be incredibly valuable for someone navigating disconnection, resentment, grief over how a relationship has changed, or simply the weight of a long-term partnership that feels stuck. Sometimes one partner is more ready to look inward than the other. Sometimes there are things a person needs to process on their own before they can show up differently in couples work. Individual sessions create that space.
Relationship issues while dating or in newer relationships
Therapy isn't just for marriages in distress. If you're dating and keep finding yourself in similar dynamics, if intimacy feels harder than it should, if you're unsure whether what you're experiencing is a red flag or an old wound being triggered, those are all rich and important things to bring into individual therapy. Starting therapy while you're still in the earlier stages of a relationship can actually help you build it on a stronger foundation.
Relationship issues in open or polyamorous relationships
People in ethically non-monogamous relationships, whether that's an open relationship, a polyamorous structure, relationship anarchy, or something else entirely, deserve thoughtful, non-judgmental support. Individual therapy can help with things like navigating jealousy and compersion, communicating needs and agreements, processing when something within the constellation isn't working, and understanding your own attachment patterns in a structure that can be particularly activating of them. Finding a therapist who is genuinely knowledgeable and affirming of CNM (consensual non-monogamy) matters a great deal here. It's completely reasonable to ask about a therapist's experience and comfort level before beginning.
Relationship issues stemming from personal history
A lot of what shows up in relationships isn't really about the relationship at all. It's about what we learned about love, safety, and connection long before this person came along. Childhood experiences, past relational trauma, prior relationships that ended painfully, these all shape the way we attach, trust, and respond to closeness. Individual therapy gives you the room to trace those threads, which can be some of the most transformative work a person does.
- Recurring conflict patterns or communication struggles
- Intimacy and vulnerability concerns
- Jealousy, trust issues, or fear of abandonment
- Navigating open or polyamorous relationship dynamics
- Disconnection or dissatisfaction in a long-term partnership or marriage
- Uncertainty about a relationship or a decision you're facing
- Processing a breakup, separation, or divorce
- Patterns from past relationships or family of origin
- Supporting yourself through a partner's mental health challenges
How Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues Actually Looks
If you've never been in individual therapy, or if your only experience is with couples therapy, you might wonder what it actually looks like to work on a relationship in a room where only you are present. It's a fair question.
In individual therapy focused on relationships, the work tends to center on you as a relational being. Your therapist isn't there to evaluate your partner or take your side. They're there to help you understand your own internal world, how your history shapes your present, what you're really feeling underneath the frustration or numbness or anxiety, and what you might want to do differently.
Sessions may involve exploring your attachment style
Attachment theory gives us a useful framework for understanding how we connect. Whether you tend toward anxious attachment (fearing abandonment, needing reassurance), avoidant attachment (pulling back when things get close), or a combination of both, understanding your pattern can be genuinely clarifying. It often helps people feel less like something is wrong with them and more like they're working with a very human response to very human experiences.
You may do a lot of emotional processing
Individual sessions create room for feelings that might be hard to access or express in couples therapy, where both people are present and the dynamic is more complex. Grief, ambivalence, rage, fear, longing. These get space in individual work. And often, naming and moving through those emotions is what allows someone to show up more clearly in the relationship itself.
You might work on specific skills or patterns
Some of the work is practical. Learning to tolerate the discomfort of conflict without fleeing or escalating. Building the capacity to ask for what you need. Developing a different relationship with your own nervous system so that you can stay present during hard conversations. These are learnable things, and individual therapy is a good place to practice them.
The most powerful relationship work sometimes begins not with both people in the room, but with one person willing to take an honest look at themselves.
Individual Therapy vs. Couples Therapy: How to Know What Fits
This is genuinely one of the most common questions I get, and the honest answer is that it depends. Both can be valuable, and many people benefit from both at different times. Here's a way to think about it.
- You want space that's fully yours
- Your partner isn't ready or willing
- You're processing something from your past
- You need to understand yourself before the relationship work
- You're dating, not yet in a committed partnership
- You're questioning the relationship itself
- You're navigating personal mental health alongside relationship stress
- You want to understand your own patterns first
- You've experienced a specific breach of trust
- You're both committed and want to grow together
- Communication has broken down between you
- You're navigating a major shared transition
- Both partners are ready to engage in the work
- You've done individual work and are ready for relational work
- You want a neutral third party in the room together
- The issues feel genuinely relational rather than individual
It's also worth saying clearly: these aren't mutually exclusive. Many couples do both simultaneously. One or both partners may be in individual therapy while also attending couples sessions. The work often complements each other well.
Not sure which direction makes sense for you? That's exactly the kind of conversation a consultation is for.
Reach Out →When You Need Both: Individual and Couples Therapy at the Same Time
Sometimes the most supportive thing a person can do is pursue individual therapy and couples therapy concurrently. This can be especially helpful when one or both partners are managing significant personal mental health concerns alongside relational ones, when there's trauma history that deserves its own dedicated space, or when the relational work stirs up things that need to be processed independently.
If you're doing both at the same time, here's something that matters quite a bit and often isn't discussed openly enough.
Your individual therapist and your couples therapist should be different people
This isn't just a preference. It's an ethical standard in the therapy field, and there are very good reasons for it.
When a therapist works with someone in individual sessions, they develop a relationship and hold information that's one-sided by design. That therapist becomes an advocate for that individual's growth and wellbeing. Their role is to support you.
In couples therapy, the relationship between the partners is the client. The therapist must hold both people's perspectives with equal care and without bias. They cannot advocate for one person over the other.
If the same therapist tries to do both, the roles become conflicted. Your individual therapist may struggle to stay neutral in couples sessions. Your partner may (often rightly) sense that the therapist is more aligned with you. And the safety that makes good couples work possible begins to erode.
Most professional ethics codes, including those of the AAMFT (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy) and APA, discourage or prohibit therapists from taking on both roles with the same client system. If a therapist offers to do both, it's worth asking how they maintain that neutrality, and it may be worth getting a second opinion.
Finding separate providers doesn't mean the work has to be disconnected. With your consent, your individual therapist and couples therapist can communicate and coordinate. Many clients find this actually strengthens both tracks of work.
How to find two therapists who work well together
You don't need to have it all figured out before you start. If you already have an individual therapist you trust, ask them for a referral to a couples therapist they respect. If you're starting fresh, reach out to a couples therapist first, tell them you'd also like to pursue individual work, and ask if they have someone they'd recommend. A good therapist will welcome that coordination rather than feel threatened by it.
What you're looking for is two providers who both understand the value of the other's role and who are each clear about what their lane is.
Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues: Who This Is Really For
It's for the person whose partner won't go to therapy, but who knows something needs to shift.
It's for the person who's been dating for years and keeps ending up in the same kind of relationship and genuinely wants to understand why.
It's for the person in a marriage that looks fine from the outside but feels hollow or disconnected from the inside.
It's for the person in an open or polyamorous relationship who wants a therapist who truly understands their structure and won't try to talk them out of it or pathologize it.
It's for the person who just got out of something painful and wants to process it before jumping into something new.
It's for the person who loves their partner deeply but recognizes that they keep getting in their own way, and wants to understand what that's about.
In short, individual therapy for relationship issues is for anyone who wants to become a more self-aware, emotionally available, and intentional partner. And that is genuinely some of the most meaningful work there is.
- You feel like you keep repeating the same relationship patterns
- Your partner isn't ready for couples therapy but you are
- You're unsure what you want or need in your relationship
- Past experiences are clearly showing up in your current relationship
- You want a space to process things you can't yet say out loud in front of your partner
- You're managing anxiety, depression, or trauma alongside relationship stress
- You're in a non-traditional relationship structure and want affirming support
- You want to grow as a person, not just as a partner
Taking the First Step
Starting individual therapy doesn't mean giving up on your relationship or admitting defeat. It often means the opposite. It means you care enough about connection, whether with a current partner or a future one, to do the work of understanding yourself more fully.
If you're in Maine, Texas, or Montana, I offer individual therapy that takes relationships seriously, wherever you are in yours. Sessions are available online, which means that wherever you're located within those states, support is accessible.
Ready to Do the Work?
Individual therapy for relationship issues is available online across Maine, Montana, and Texas. Whether you're navigating something in a current relationship or simply ready to understand yourself better, I'd love to connect.
You don't have to have everything figured out before you reach out. That's what the first conversation is for.
— Sagebrush Counseling
