What Is an Open Marriage?
If you're considering opening your marriage, already in an open marriage, or simply trying to understand what one is, you're probably looking for more than a dictionary definition. You want to know how open marriages work in practice, what agreements are common, how they differ from polyamory or swinging, and what challenges tend to come up. This post offers an honest, therapist-informed look at all of that.
Open marriage counseling at Sagebrush Counseling. We work with couples in open marriages and other consensually non-monogamous structures. Telehealth throughout Maine, Montana, and Texas. Join from anywhere in your state.
Schedule a Complimentary Consult →What Is an Open Marriage?
An open marriage is a committed marriage or long-term partnership in which one or both partners are permitted to have sexual, and sometimes emotional, relationships with people outside the primary partnership. The defining characteristic of most open marriages is that the marriage itself remains primary. Outside relationships are generally understood to be secondary, and the structure is designed to protect the central commitment while allowing for outside connection.
The word "open" refers to the transparency and consent that distinguishes this from infidelity. In an open marriage, both partners know about the arrangement, have agreed to it, and typically have ongoing conversations about how it's working. This is not the same as cheating with permission. It's a deliberately structured relationship model that requires significant communication, trust, and emotional work.
Research by Haupert and colleagues (2017) found that approximately one in five Americans has engaged in consensual non-monogamy at some point, which means open marriages and other non-monogamous structures are far more common than many people assume. Despite this prevalence, there remains significant misunderstanding about what open marriage involves and how it functions.
How Open Marriages Work
Open marriages don't follow a single template. Every couple structures theirs differently based on what they need, what they're comfortable with, and what their goals are. That said, there are some common elements that tend to appear across most open marriages.
Agreements and boundaries
Most open marriages begin with a set of explicit agreements about what is and isn't acceptable. These agreements often cover who each partner can see, what kinds of relationships are permitted, what information gets shared, how much time outside relationships can occupy, and whether certain people or contexts are off-limits. Some couples allow only sexual connections. Others permit emotional involvement as well, though this is where open marriage can start to overlap with polyamory.
The agreements that work at the beginning of an open marriage often need to be renegotiated over time as people change, as outside relationships develop, or as the primary partnership evolves. This renegotiation is part of the structure, not a sign that something is failing.
Prioritizing the primary relationship
A central principle in most open marriages is that the marriage comes first. This might mean that certain nights of the week are reserved for the primary partnership, that certain kinds of intimacy are reserved for the marriage, or that outside relationships end if they begin to threaten the stability of the primary bond. What "primary" means in practice varies widely, and part of the work of an open marriage is defining that clearly for both partners.
Communication practices
Open marriages require a higher volume and level of explicit communication than many monogamous relationships. Partners need to talk about what they're experiencing, what's working and what isn't, what they need, and what they're feeling, including difficult feelings like jealousy, insecurity, or disconnection. The communication doesn't make the feelings go away, but it keeps them from accumulating in silence.
An open marriage isn't a loophole. It's a structure that requires more communication, more trust, and more intentional relationship work than most monogamous marriages, not less.
Open Marriage vs Polyamory vs Swinging
Open marriage is often confused with polyamory and swinging, but they're distinct structures. Open marriage typically maintains a hierarchy where the marriage is primary and outside relationships are secondary. Polyamory often allows for multiple full romantic relationships without that strict hierarchy. Swinging emphasizes recreational sexual activity in social contexts and typically discourages emotional involvement with outside partners.
The distinctions matter because they point to different emotional dynamics, different agreements, and different challenges. If you want a detailed comparison of these structures, including what makes each one ethical and how to know which might fit your relationship, you can read our full guide on open marriage vs polyamory vs swinging.
When Open Marriages Get Hard
Open marriages come with their own set of challenges. Outside relationships can develop into something more than what was originally agreed to. Jealousy shows up even when both partners have consented to the structure. The logistics of managing time, energy, and emotional availability across more than one connection can become stressful. And the question of how to keep the primary partnership feeling primary in practice, not just in theory, is ongoing work.
These challenges don't mean open marriage is failing. They're part of the structure. But they do benefit from dedicated support. If you're navigating difficulties in your open marriage, you can read more about what couples therapy for open marriages looks like and when it tends to be most useful on our open marriage counseling page.
Couples therapy for open marriages. Telehealth throughout Maine, Montana, and Texas.
Schedule a Complimentary Consult →Is an Open Marriage Right for You?
There's no universal answer to whether an open marriage is right for a given couple, but there are some useful questions to consider if you're thinking about it.
Are both partners genuinely interested?
Open marriages tend to work best when both partners are genuinely on board with the structure, not when one partner is accommodating the other out of fear of losing the relationship. If one person is proposing opening the marriage and the other is reluctantly agreeing, that asymmetry is worth examining closely before moving forward.
Is your communication already strong?
Open marriages require a foundation of strong communication. If you're already struggling to talk about difficult feelings, needs, or conflicts, opening the marriage is unlikely to make that easier. It tends to amplify whatever communication patterns are already in place, for better or worse.
Are you opening the marriage to solve a problem?
Opening a marriage does not fix relational problems. If communication is strained, if trust has been compromised, or if one partner is fundamentally unhappy, adding more people to the dynamic typically makes things more complicated, not less. Open marriage works best when the foundation is already solid and the decision is driven by genuine interest in the structure, not by an attempt to address something that's already broken.
Can you manage jealousy without punishing your partner for it?
Jealousy is not a sign that open marriage isn't for you. It's information about what you need, what you fear, or where you feel insecure. The question is whether you and your partner can talk about jealousy openly, sit with it without blame, and address what it's pointing to. If jealousy becomes a weapon or a reason to shut the other person down, the structure will be hard to sustain.
Getting Started at Sagebrush
If you're in an open marriage and looking for support, or if you're considering opening your marriage and want guidance navigating that transition, we'd be glad to connect. We work with couples in open marriages from a place of understanding rather than judgment, and we focus on the relational work rather than debating the structure itself.
All sessions are via telehealth, so there's no commute and no waiting room. You join from wherever is most private and comfortable. To understand more about the online format, you can read about how online therapy works at Sagebrush.
We serve couples throughout the state of Maine (including Brunswick and beyond), the whole of Montana, and anywhere in Texas, including Austin, Houston, Dallas, and Midland.
All sessions via telehealth. Join from anywhere in your state.
Open Marriage Counseling at Sagebrush
Couples therapy for open marriages and other consensually non-monogamous structures. Join from anywhere in Maine, Montana, or Texas. All sessions are virtual.
Schedule a Complimentary ConsultationOpen marriages have their own specific terrain, their own challenges, and their own rewards. If you're navigating one or considering it, you don't have to figure it out alone.
— Sagebrush Counseling
1. Haupert, M.L., Gesselman, A.N., Moors, A.C., Fisher, H.E., & Garcia, J.R. (2017). Prevalence of experiences with consensual nonmonogamous relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 43(5), 424–440. View on PubMed
2. Conley, T.D., Moors, A.C., Matsick, J.L., & Ziegler, A. (2013). The fewer the merrier?: Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 13(1), 1–30. View on PubMed
3. Rubel, A.N., & Bogaert, A.F. (2015). Consensual nonmonogamy: Psychological well-being and relationship quality correlates. Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 961–982. View on PubMed
This post is for informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional relationship counseling or therapy.
