EFT Conversation Guide for Couples

Preparation Guidelines

Choose a quiet, comfortable space without distractions
Agree to listen without judgment or trying to "fix"
Focus on understanding, not being understood
Use "I" statements to express your feelings
Take breaks if emotions become overwhelming
Remember: the goal is connection, not winning

Step 1: Set Your Intention

Create Safety

Take a moment to look into each other's eyes and acknowledge: "I want to understand you better and feel closer to you." Take three deep breaths together.

Step 2: Choose a Conversation Starter

Click the button above to get a conversation starter!

Connection & Appreciation

"What's one thing I did this week that made you feel loved or appreciated?"

"When do you feel most connected to me?"

"What's a memory of us that always makes you smile?"

Understanding & Vulnerability

"What's something you've been feeling lately that you haven't shared with me?"

"When do you feel most misunderstood by me?"

"What do you need from me when you're having a difficult day?"

Hopes & Dreams

"What's something you're excited about for our future together?"

"How do you hope we'll grow together in the next year?"

"What's a dream you have that you'd like my support with?"

Step 3: Structured Turn-Taking

Partner A Speaks First (3-5 minutes)

EFT Language Framework: "When [situation], I feel [emotion] because [underlying need/fear]. What I need from you is [specific request]."

Example: "When we argue about finances, I feel anxious and small because I fear we're not a team. What I need from you is reassurance that we can work through this together."

Partner B Reflects & Validates (1-2 minutes)

Reflection: "What I hear you saying is..." or "It sounds like you feel..."

Validation: "That makes sense because..." or "I can understand why you would feel..."

Clarification: "Help me understand more about..." or "When you say [emotion], what does that feel like for you?"

Switch Roles

Partner B now shares using the same EFT framework, and Partner A reflects and validates. Continue alternating until both feel heard and understood.

Emotion Identification Guide

Happy

Sad

Angry

Afraid

Surprised

Disappointed

Anxious

Vulnerable

Peaceful

Frustrated

Loved

Worried

Grateful

Lonely

Excited

Confused

Negative Cycle Interruption Phrases

If the conversation gets stuck in a negative pattern, try these:

"I'm feeling defensive right now. Can we slow down?"
"I want to understand you. Help me see this differently."
"I'm feeling disconnected. What do you need from me right now?"
"Can we take a break and come back to this with softer hearts?"

Step 4: Close with Connection

Appreciation & Next Steps

End by sharing one thing you appreciated about how your partner shared or listened. Discuss one small way you can support each other better this week.