Couples Cycle Awareness Tool
Identify and Map Your Negative Interaction Patterns
Understanding Your Cycle
Every couple has patterns of interaction that can become negative cycles. In EFT, we identify these cycles to help you step out of them and create new, positive patterns of connection. This tool will help you map your unique cycle and understand each partner's experience.
Step 1: Identify Common Triggers
Select the situations that most often trigger negative interactions in your relationship:
Step 2: Understand the Cycle Positions
Choose which position each partner typically takes during conflict:
Common Cycle Positions
Pursuer
Seeks connection, asks questions, expresses concerns, wants to talk it out
Withdrawer
Seeks space, shuts down, avoids conflict, needs time to process
Note: Partners can switch positions depending on the issue
Step 3: Map Your Specific Cycle
Partner A
Partner B
Step 4: Recognize the Pattern
The Cycle Looks Like This:
Trigger occurs → Partner A feels threatened → Partner A pursues/criticizes → Partner B feels overwhelmed → Partner B withdraws/shuts down → Partner A feels abandoned → Partner A pursues more → Partner B withdraws more → Cycle escalates
Your Cycle Summary
Breaking the Cycle
Once you recognize your cycle, you can interrupt it:
- "I notice we're in our cycle. Can we pause?"
- "I'm feeling triggered and want to respond differently."
- "I can see you're overwhelmed. What do you need right now?"
- "This feels familiar. Let's step out of our pattern."
- "I'm scared of losing connection with you."
- "I need some space, but I still love you."
Step 5: Create New Responses
Partner A - New Response
Partner B - New Response
Your Cycle Awareness Summary
Review your responses and use this awareness to catch your cycle early and respond with intention rather than reaction. Remember: the cycle is the enemy, not each other.