Autism Masking in Relationships
When I Drop the Mask: What I Need From You
Understanding and supporting authentic expression in your partnership
π Understanding Masking
Masking is the conscious or unconscious suppression of natural autistic behaviors to appear more neurotypical. While it can be protective in some environments, masking is exhausting and can prevent authentic connection. This worksheet helps couples create safety for unmasking and genuine expression.
Recognizing Different Types of Masking
π£οΈ Social Masking
Forcing eye contact, suppressing stimming, scripting conversations, mimicking neurotypical social behaviors
π Emotional Masking
Hiding meltdowns/shutdowns, forcing "appropriate" facial expressions, suppressing authentic emotional responses
π Sensory Masking
Tolerating overwhelming environments, hiding sensory needs, pushing through overstimulation without accommodation
π§ Cognitive Masking
Hiding processing differences, pretending to understand when confused, masking executive function struggles
π Interest Masking
Hiding special interests, pretending to enjoy neurotypical activities, suppressing enthusiasm about favorite topics
β‘ Energy Masking
Hiding exhaustion, maintaining "normal" energy levels when depleted, pushing through when rest is needed
My Masking Experience
How I Mask Around Others
Describe what masking looks like for you. What behaviors do you suppress, change, or force?
When and Why I Mask
In what situations do you find yourself masking? What triggers the need to mask?
The Cost of My Masking
How does masking affect you physically, emotionally, and mentally?
What Unmasking Looks Like for Me
π¦ Signs I'm Unmasking
Physical Changes
Stimming more freely, different posture, natural facial expressions
Communication Shifts
Less eye contact, more direct speech, processing delays visible
Emotional Expression
Authentic reactions, visible overwhelm, natural emotional regulation
Energy Changes
Showing fatigue, needing more rest, slower processing
Interest Expression
Talking about special interests, showing genuine enthusiasm
Sensory Needs
Seeking accommodations, avoiding certain stimuli, expressing overwhelm
My Authentic Self
Describe what you're like when you're not masking. What does your authentic autistic self look like?
What I Need When I'm Unmasking
What I Need From You
How You Can Help
β Please DO This
- Accept my stimming and movement needs
- Give me extra processing time
- Respect when I need sensory breaks
- Show interest in my special interests
- Recognize that unmasking takes courage
- Celebrate my authentic expressions
- Be patient with communication differences
- Understand that authentic doesn't mean "broken"
β Please DON'T Do This
- Tell me to "act normal" or be more neurotypical
- Criticize my natural movements or behaviors
- Force eye contact or social conventions
- Take my need for space personally
- Compare me to how I was when masking
- Rush me through emotional processing
- Dismiss my sensory needs as preferences
- Treat unmasking as a problem to fix
Recovering from Masking Exhaustion
β° My Recovery Process
Immediate Needs
First things I need when the mask comes off
Short-term Recovery
What helps in the hours after unmasking
Longer-term Care
Support needed over days to fully recover
Prevention
How to reduce future masking exhaustion
My Recovery Needs
What helps you recover from masking exhaustion? What do you need to feel regulated again?
Creating Safety for Authenticity
π Building a Safe Space Together
Our Unmasking Agreement
What agreements can you make together to create ongoing safety for authentic expression?
π Remember
Unmasking is a gift of trust and vulnerability. When an autistic person drops their mask with you, they're showing you their authentic self. This is something to treasure, protect, and celebrateβnot change or fix.