The 10 Neurodivergent Love Languages
Authentic ways of connecting that honor neurodivergent experiences
Understanding Neurodivergent Love
Love is as unique as the person who gives it—and for neurodivergent individuals, it deserves to be celebrated in all its beautiful forms. These love languages embrace the way you naturally connect, communicate, and feel. They honor your authentic self and remind you that your way of loving is not just valid—it's powerful, meaningful, and worthy of being cherished exactly as it is.
The 10 Neurodivergent Love Languages
1. Info-Dumping as Connection
Sharing your hyperfixations, special interests, or in-depth knowledge about a topic as a way of saying, "I trust you with my world."
This looks like:
- Excitedly talking about your favorite historical period for hours
- Explaining complex video game mechanics or lore in detail
- Sharing fascinating facts you've discovered about your current interest
- Teaching someone about a topic you're passionate about
- Feeling heard when your partner listens without checking their phone
- Having someone ask follow-up questions about your special interest
2. Parallel Play
Feeling love through side-by-side activities without pressure to talk or make eye contact.
This looks like:
- Gaming on separate devices in the same room
- Reading different books while sitting together
- Doing individual hobbies together silently
- Working on separate projects but sharing the same space
- Comfortable silence without feeling pressured to fill it
- Being together without the need for constant interaction
3. Sensory-Safe Touch
Physical affection adapted to sensory preferences—light vs. deep pressure, weighted blankets, or hand squeezes instead of spontaneous hugs.
This looks like:
- Asking "Can I hug you?" before physical contact
- Offering a hand squeeze instead of unexpected touch
- Providing weighted blankets or deep pressure when requested
- Learning someone's preferred types and timing of touch
- Respecting "no touch" days without taking it personally
- Adjusting pressure and duration based on sensory needs
4. Co-Regulation and Emotional Safety
Feeling loved when a partner helps you calm down, decompress, or regulate emotions without judgment.
This looks like:
- Sitting together in quiet after a meltdown
- Doing breathing exercises together during overwhelming moments
- Sharing a "calm-down ritual" that works for both of you
- Providing grounding techniques during sensory overload
- Offering comfort without trying to "fix" or rush the process
- Creating a safe space for emotional processing
5. Acts of Executive Function Support
Love expressed by helping with planning, reminders, or organization to reduce mental load.
This looks like:
- Prepping meals when executive function is low
- Sending gentle calendar reminders for important events
- Supporting routines without shame or judgment
- Breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps
- Handling phone calls or appointments that cause anxiety
- Creating systems that make daily life easier
6. Creating Sensory Comfort
Adjusting the environment to support sensory needs as a form of care.
This looks like:
- Turning down bright lights without being asked
- Warming up a blanket after a difficult day
- Preparing a soft, cozy space for decompression
- Adjusting music volume or changing to calming sounds
- Providing headphones during noisy situations
- Creating quiet, low-stimulation environments for recovery
7. Shared Special Interests
Bonding by engaging in a mutual hyperfixation or activity.
This looks like:
- Watching your favorite show together and pausing to analyze scenes
- Collecting items related to a shared interest
- Doing a hobby side by side with enthusiasm
- Attending conventions or events related to mutual interests
- Learning about each other's passions and finding overlap
- Creating together around shared fascinations
8. Meaningful Gestures & Token Collecting
Gathering small significant items that show connection and thoughtfulness.
This looks like:
- Sending memes or articles that made you think of someone
- Bringing home interesting rocks, leaves, or small treasures
- Sharing screenshots or quotes that resonated with you
- Finding small items at thrift stores that match their interests
- Creating playlists or collections of meaningful content
- Taking photos of things that remind you of them
9. Predictable Routines of Care
Acts of love expressed through consistency and reliable routines that feel safe.
This looks like:
- Saying "goodnight" the same way each night
- Weekly date rituals that provide comfort and anticipation
- A partner always making morning coffee the same way
- Consistent check-ins at predictable times
- Maintaining shared routines that create stability
- Following through on promises and commitments reliably
10. Respecting Autonomy and Recharge Time
Love shown through understanding the need for solitude, stimming, or quiet space without taking it personally.
This looks like:
- Letting your partner retreat to their room after social events
- Trusting that alone time is their way of resetting, not rejection
- Supporting stimming behaviors without trying to stop them
- Understanding that social battery depletion is real and valid
- Not taking quiet or withdrawn periods as personal rejection
- Actively protecting someone's recharge time from interruptions
My Neurodivergent Love Languages Worksheet
After reading through the 10 love languages above, reflect on which ones resonate most strongly with you. Use this space to identify and describe your personal love languages.
My Top 3 Love Languages:
What these love languages mean to me specifically:
Examples of when I feel most loved:
How I can communicate these needs to my loved ones:
Applying Your Understanding
Start conversations: Use these love languages to discuss preferences with partners, friends, or family members.
Be specific: Share concrete examples of what each love language means to you personally.
Stay flexible: Your preferences may shift based on stress, life changes, or personal growth.
Practice self-compassion: There's nothing wrong with needing love expressed in ways that work for your brain.
Educate others: Help people understand that different expressions of love are equally valid and meaningful.