Unspoken Rules Inventory
Examining inherited beliefs that may limit authenticity
Uncovering Hidden Rules
We all absorb spoken and unspoken "rules" from our families, cultures, and communities. These invisible guidelines often operate unconsciously, shaping our choices and limiting our authenticity.
- Think about messages you received about how to be, act, or live
- Consider both explicit rules and subtle expectations
- Notice rules about emotions, relationships, success, gender, and identity
- Reflect on which rules still serve you and which may be limiting
Common Types of Unspoken Rules
Emotional Rules
- "Don't cry in public"
- "Nice people don't get angry"
- "Keep your feelings to yourself"
- "Always be positive"
- "Strong people don't need help"
Success & Work Rules
- "Work comes before play"
- "You must earn your worth"
- "Money isn't important"
- "Don't aim too high"
- "Idle hands are dangerous"
Relationship Rules
- "Don't trust outsiders"
- "Family comes first always"
- "Don't be a burden"
- "Keep peace at any cost"
- "Love means sacrifice"
Identity Rules
- "Don't stand out"
- "Be modest about achievements"
- "Your needs don't matter"
- "Conform to fit in"
- "Don't question authority"
Identifying Your Rules
Family Rules
Cultural/Community Rules
Gender/Identity Rules
School/Professional Rules
Relationship Rules
Other Rules You've Noticed
Sorting Your Rules
Now that you've identified various rules, sort them into categories. You can write rules in multiple columns if they partially fit multiple categories.
Rules to Keep
Rules that serve you well and align with your values
Rules to Modify
Rules with some value but need updating
Rules to Release
Rules that limit or no longer serve you