Attachment-Based Therapy
Understanding how early bonds shape your relationships and creating secure, healthy connections
Explore Attachment-Based TherapyWhat Is Attachment-Based Therapy?
Attachment-based therapy is grounded in attachment theory, which explains how our early relationships with caregivers shape the way we connect with others throughout our lives. Developed by psychiatrist John Bowlby and expanded by psychologist Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory reveals that our childhood experiences create internal working models—blueprints for how we expect relationships to function.
These early attachment patterns don't disappear when we become adults. They influence who we're attracted to, how we respond to conflict, whether we seek closeness or distance, and how we regulate emotions in relationships. Attachment-based therapy helps you understand these patterns and create new, healthier ways of connecting.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we use attachment-based approaches for both individual therapy and couples counseling, helping clients recognize how their attachment style affects their relationships and develop more secure, satisfying connections.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Four primary attachment patterns that shape how we relate to others
Secure Attachment
Comfortable with Closeness and Independence
People with secure attachment feel comfortable with both intimacy and autonomy. They can depend on others and allow others to depend on them without losing themselves.
- Trust comes naturally in relationships
- Comfortable expressing needs and emotions
- Can handle conflict without panicking or shutting down
- Balance closeness with healthy independence
- Generally had responsive, consistent caregivers
Anxious Attachment
Fear of Abandonment and Need for Reassurance
Anxious attachment develops when early caregiving was inconsistent—sometimes available, sometimes not. This creates a fear of abandonment and hypervigilance in relationships.
- Strong desire for closeness and reassurance
- Worry about partner's commitment or feelings
- Tendency to seek validation from relationships
- Difficulty trusting partner's availability
- Often experienced unpredictable caregiving
Avoidant Attachment
Discomfort with Vulnerability and Dependence
Avoidant attachment forms when caregivers were emotionally unavailable or dismissive. This teaches children that needing others leads to disappointment or rejection.
- Value independence and self-sufficiency highly
- Uncomfortable with deep emotional intimacy
- Tendency to withdraw when things get "too close"
- Difficulty expressing vulnerable emotions
- Often had dismissive or emotionally distant caregivers
Disorganized Attachment
Conflicting Needs for Closeness and Safety
Disorganized attachment occurs when caregivers were frightening or traumatizing—simultaneously the source of comfort and threat. This creates profound confusion about relationships.
- Mixed feelings about intimacy—wanting and fearing it
- Inconsistent relationship patterns
- Difficulty trusting own emotions or others' intentions
- May experience intense relationship anxiety
- Often rooted in trauma or abuse in childhood
How Attachment Affects Your Relationships
The ways early attachment patterns show up in adult relationships
Partner Selection
Your attachment style influences who you're attracted to. Often, people unconsciously choose partners who confirm their existing beliefs about relationships—anxious attachers may be drawn to avoidant partners, recreating familiar patterns.
Conflict Response
How you handle disagreements is deeply connected to attachment. Anxious attachers may pursue and escalate, avoidant attachers may withdraw and shut down, while secure attachers can stay present and work through issues.
Emotional Regulation
Your ability to manage difficult emotions in relationships stems from early attachment experiences. Secure attachment provides better emotion regulation skills, while insecure attachment can lead to overwhelm or emotional suppression.
Communication Patterns
Attachment styles shape how you express needs and respond to your partner. Anxious attachment may lead to over-communication and seeking reassurance, while avoidant attachment may result in under-communication and independence.
Trust and Vulnerability
Your capacity to trust others and be vulnerable is rooted in attachment. Secure attachment allows for openness, while insecure attachment creates protective walls—either clinging too tightly or keeping distance.
Self-Worth in Relationships
Attachment influences whether you feel fundamentally worthy of love. Anxious attachment can create dependency on external validation, while avoidant attachment may mask deeper fears of inadequacy with self-reliance.
How Attachment-Based Therapy Works
The therapeutic process of understanding and transforming attachment patterns
Identifying Your Attachment Style
Therapy begins by exploring your relationship history, family experiences, and current patterns. You'll gain insight into your attachment style and how it developed.
- Examine early relationships with caregivers
- Recognize patterns in adult relationships
- Understand triggers and defensive responses
- Identify core beliefs about self and others
Understanding Relationship Patterns
You'll explore how your attachment style shows up in relationships—the cycles you get stuck in, your emotional responses, and the ways you protect yourself from perceived threats.
- Map out pursue-withdraw or other relationship dynamics
- Recognize when attachment fears are activated
- Understand partner's attachment needs and fears
- See how both partners contribute to patterns
Developing Secure Attachment
The goal is to develop earned secure attachment—learning to trust, be vulnerable, regulate emotions, and connect in healthier ways, regardless of your early experiences.
- Practice expressing needs and emotions directly
- Build capacity for vulnerability and intimacy
- Develop healthier emotional regulation skills
- Create new experiences of secure connection
- Challenge old beliefs about relationships
For Couples: Creating Secure Connection
In couples therapy, both partners learn about their attachment styles and how they interact. You'll develop new ways of responding to each other that create safety and security.
- Understand each other's attachment needs
- Break out of negative cycles together
- Practice attuned, responsive interactions
- Build a secure bond as a couple
What Attachment-Based Therapy Helps With
Common challenges rooted in attachment patterns
Relationship Anxiety
Constant worry about your partner's feelings, fear of abandonment, or need for frequent reassurance in relationships.
Fear of Intimacy
Difficulty getting close to others, discomfort with vulnerability, or tendency to pull away when relationships deepen.
Trust Issues
Difficulty trusting partners, always waiting for betrayal, or inability to depend on others emotionally.
Codependency
Losing yourself in relationships, difficulty maintaining boundaries, or deriving self-worth primarily from partnerships.
Commitment Fears
Avoidance of committed relationships, pattern of ending things when they get serious, or ambivalence about partnership.
Emotional Unavailability
Difficulty expressing emotions, shutting down under stress, or keeping partners at emotional distance.
Pursue-Withdraw Cycles
One partner seeking connection while the other withdraws, creating frustration and disconnection for both.
Repetitive Relationship Patterns
Finding yourself in the same unhealthy dynamics repeatedly, choosing similar partners, or repeating family patterns.
Who Benefits from Attachment-Based Therapy
This approach helps individuals and couples seeking deeper relationship understanding
Individuals with Relationship Struggles
You keep ending up in similar relationship patterns, struggle with trust or intimacy, or want to understand why relationships feel so difficult.
Couples in Negative Cycles
You're stuck in pursue-withdraw patterns, experiencing chronic disconnection, or feeling like you're speaking different emotional languages.
Those Healing from Childhood Trauma
Your early experiences with caregivers were painful or confusing, and you see how that affects your adult relationships.
People Avoiding Relationships
You want connection but keep sabotaging relationships, pull away when things get close, or struggle to commit despite wanting partnership.
Anyone Seeking Secure Attachment
You recognize insecure attachment patterns in yourself and want to develop more secure, healthy ways of relating to others.
Partners with Different Attachment Needs
One partner needs more closeness while the other needs space, creating ongoing tension and misunderstanding in the relationship.
Ready to Understand Your Attachment Patterns?
Attachment-based therapy can help you create the secure, fulfilling relationships you've been seeking.
Contact Sagebrush Counseling