Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
An attachment-based approach to rebuilding emotional connection and secure bonds in relationships
Learn If EFT Is Right for YouWhat Is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. Rooted in attachment science, EFT helps couples understand the emotional patterns driving their relationship struggles and creates lasting change by strengthening emotional bonds.
Unlike approaches that focus solely on communication skills or conflict resolution, EFT addresses the underlying emotional injuries and attachment needs that fuel relationship distress. When partners feel emotionally safe and securely connected, they naturally communicate better, resolve conflicts more effectively, and build deeper intimacy.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we use EFT to help couples move from cycles of disconnection and conflict to patterns of emotional responsiveness and secure attachment.
Core Principles of EFT
Understanding the foundation of Emotionally Focused Therapy
Attachment Is Essential
Humans are wired for connection. Our need for emotional closeness and secure bonds isn't a weakness—it's fundamental to our wellbeing. Relationship distress is often rooted in attachment fears and unmet needs for connection.
Emotions Are Key
Emotions aren't irrational disruptions—they're signals about what matters to us and what we need. EFT helps partners access and express their deeper emotions, particularly attachment-related fears and needs.
Negative Cycles Create Distance
Couples get stuck in repetitive patterns where both partners' actions trigger the other's fears. These negative cycles—like pursue-withdraw or blame-defend—are the enemy, not each partner.
Change Happens Through Experience
Reading about relationships isn't enough. EFT creates new emotional experiences in session where partners risk vulnerability, respond to each other differently, and build new patterns of connection.
The Therapist Is Active
EFT therapists don't just observe—they actively guide conversations, help partners access deeper emotions, and choreograph new interactions that create secure bonding moments.
Change Is Structured
EFT follows a clear roadmap with three stages and nine steps. This structured approach ensures couples move from crisis to connection in a systematic, predictable way.
The Three Stages of EFT
A structured path from conflict to secure connection
Stage One: De-Escalation
Stabilizing the Relationship
The first stage focuses on identifying and interrupting the negative cycle that's driving you apart. You'll learn to see how both partners contribute to the pattern and begin to step out of reactive positions.
- Identify your specific negative cycle (pursue-withdraw, criticize-defend, etc.)
- Understand each partner's emotional experience within the cycle
- Recognize triggers and vulnerable feelings beneath surface reactions
- Begin to see the pattern as the problem, not each other
- De-escalate reactivity and create emotional safety
Stage Two: Restructuring
Creating New Bonding Experiences
This is where deep change happens. Partners access and express their core attachment needs and fears, creating moments of vulnerability and responsiveness that rebuild emotional connection.
- Access deeper emotions—fears of abandonment, rejection, inadequacy
- Express attachment needs directly and vulnerably
- Practice responding to your partner's vulnerability with care
- Create new patterns of reaching and responding
- Build secure bonding moments that reshape the relationship
Stage Three: Consolidation
Strengthening Secure Attachment
The final stage solidifies your new way of connecting. You'll apply your stronger bond to old problem areas and create a shared story of how your relationship transformed.
- Apply new patterns to recurring conflicts or issues
- Address problems like sex, parenting, or finances from secure connection
- Create a narrative of your journey together
- Build resilience for future challenges
- Maintain gains and deepen intimacy
What EFT Helps With
Emotionally Focused Therapy is effective for a wide range of relationship challenges
Chronic Conflict
Constant arguments, criticism, defensiveness, and feeling like you're stuck in the same fights over and over.
Emotional Distance
Feeling disconnected, lonely in the relationship, or like you're living as roommates instead of partners.
Trust & Betrayal
Recovering from infidelity, rebuilding trust, and healing attachment injuries caused by betrayal or broken promises.
Communication Problems
Difficulty expressing needs, feeling unheard, or conversations that escalate into fights or shutdown.
Intimacy Issues
Loss of physical or emotional closeness, difficulty being vulnerable, or feeling unsafe to share your true self.
Life Transitions
Stress from major changes like new baby, job loss, illness, or relocation creating disconnection.
Pursue-Withdraw Patterns
One partner seeking connection while the other pulls away, creating a cycle of frustration and loneliness.
Attachment Injuries
Unresolved moments when one partner wasn't there during a critical time, creating lasting hurt and mistrust.
Evidence-Based & Research-Supported
EFT is one of the most thoroughly researched approaches to couples therapy
Unlike many therapy approaches, Emotionally Focused Therapy has been extensively studied and validated through rigorous research. Multiple studies have demonstrated its effectiveness with diverse couples and various relationship challenges.
Demonstrated Effectiveness: Research shows that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% show significant improvement. These results hold up over time, with follow-up studies showing couples maintain their gains years after therapy ends.
Effective Across Diverse Populations: EFT has been successfully adapted and tested with various populations including couples dealing with chronic illness, trauma, depression, and addiction. It's effective across cultural backgrounds, sexual orientations, and relationship configurations.
Recognized by Professional Organizations: The American Psychological Association recognizes EFT as an empirically supported treatment for couples. It's endorsed by relationship researchers and clinicians worldwide.
Is EFT Right for Your Relationship?
Emotionally Focused Therapy works best for couples who are committed to change and willing to be vulnerable in the process of rebuilding connection.
EFT may be right for you if you're experiencing chronic conflict, emotional distance, or trust issues—and you're both willing to engage in the therapeutic process. While one partner may be more motivated initially, both need to participate for therapy to succeed.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we use EFT as a primary approach for couples therapy. If you're curious about whether this approach fits your needs, we invite you to schedule a consultation.
Ready to Rebuild Your Connection?
Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you move from conflict and distance to secure attachment and emotional closeness.
Contact Sagebrush Counseling