Current Conflict Patterns Assessment

Understanding your current conflict patterns is the first step toward healthier communication. Be honest about how you typically handle disagreements.

1. How do you typically respond when conflict arises? (Check all that apply)

Withdraw/shut down

Raise my voice/yell

Try to problem-solve immediately

Bring up past issues

Blame the other person

Listen to understand

Get defensive

Try to avoid the conflict

Use "I" statements

Attack character/personality

Take time to cool down

Focus on solutions

2. Rate how often these occur in your conflicts:

Never Rarely Sometimes Often Always

Name-calling or insults

1

2

3

4

5

Interrupting or not listening

1

2

3

4

5

Bringing up unrelated past issues

1

2

3

4

5

Making threats or ultimatums

1

2

3

4

5

Mind reading ("You always..." "You never...")

1

2

3

4

5

3. Describe a recent conflict situation and how it was handled:

4. What patterns do you notice in how conflicts typically unfold in your relationships?

Fair Fighting Rules

These rules provide a framework for healthy conflict resolution. Review each rule and commit to implementing them in your relationships.

Essential Fair Fighting Rules

Stay focused on the current issue - don't bring up past conflicts

Use "I" statements instead of "You" accusations

No name-calling, insults, or character attacks

Listen actively without interrupting

Take breaks when emotions get too intense

Focus on behaviors, not personality traits

No threats, ultimatums, or emotional manipulation

Avoid absolute words like "always" and "never"

Stay physically calm - no aggressive body language

Work toward solutions, not just expressing anger

Acknowledge valid points the other person makes

Take responsibility for your part in the conflict

5. Which of these rules do you find most challenging to follow? Why?

6. Which rules do you think would be most helpful in your relationships?

7. Rate your current ability to follow each rule:

Very Poor Poor Fair Good Excellent

Using "I" statements

1

2

3

4

5

Staying on topic

1

2

3

4

5

Active listening

1

2

3

4

5

Managing emotions

1

2

3

4

5

Finding solutions

1

2

3

4

5

Effective Communication Techniques

Learn and practice these specific techniques to improve your communication during conflicts.

8. Practice rewriting these statements using "I" language:

"You" Statement (Problematic)	Rewritten as "I" Statement
"You never listen to me!"
"You're always on your phone!"
"You don't care about my feelings!"
"You make me so angry!"

9. Active listening techniques I want to practice: (Check all that apply)

Paraphrasing what I heard

Asking clarifying questions

Reflecting emotions ("It sounds like you're feeling...")

Maintaining eye contact

Putting away distractions

Nodding and showing engagement

Waiting for the full message before responding

Acknowledging their perspective

10. De-escalation phrases I can use when tensions rise:

"I need a few minutes to think about this"

"Help me understand your perspective"

"I can see this is really important to you"

"Let's take a break and come back to this"

"I want to work this out together"

"You make a good point about..."

"I'm feeling overwhelmed - can we slow down?"

"Let's focus on finding a solution"

11. What are your personal triggers that tend to escalate conflicts?

12. What warning signs tell you when you need to take a break during a conflict?

Conflict Resolution Strategies

Focus on moving from conflict to resolution through collaborative problem-solving approaches.

13. Problem-solving steps to practice:

Step	Description	How I will apply this
1. Define	Clearly state the specific issue
2. Understand	Listen to all perspectives
3. Brainstorm	Generate possible solutions together
4. Evaluate	Discuss pros/cons of each option
5. Choose	Select solution both can agree on
6. Implement	Put the solution into action
7. Follow-up	Check how the solution is working

14. Types of compromise I'm willing to consider: (Check all that apply)

Taking turns getting our way

Finding middle-ground solutions

Trading off different preferences

Creating new solutions that meet both needs

Agreeing to disagree on minor issues

Setting time limits for trying solutions

15. How do you know when a conflict has been truly resolved?

16. What repair attempts can you make after a difficult conflict?

Personal Action Plan

Create your specific plan for implementing these fair fighting skills in your relationships.

17. My top 3 areas for improvement:

Area to Improve	Specific Goal	Action Steps
1.
2.
3.

18. How will I prepare for future conflicts?

Practice "I" statements daily

Develop personal cooling-down strategies

Discuss fair fighting rules with my partner

Practice active listening in daily conversations

Identify and work on my triggers

Create a conflict resolution agreement

Schedule regular relationship check-ins

Seek counseling or mediation when needed

19. My personal "time-out" plan when conflicts get heated:

20. How will I track my progress in using these skills?

Commitment & Reflection

My Commitment to Fair Fighting

21. I commit to implementing these fair fighting rules by:

Key Insights

22. What did you learn about your conflict patterns from this worksheet?

23. One specific situation where I will practice these skills this week:

How will I remember to use these techniques?

Fair Fighting Rules & Conflict Resolution