Signs of Neurodivergence: Recognizing Different Ways of Thinking
Signs of Neurodivergence: Recognizing Different Ways of Thinking
Neurodivergence refers to variations in how people think, process information, and experience the world. Signs of neurodivergence can include differences in attention, sensory processing, social communication, executive function, and learning. ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and other neurodevelopmental differences fall under this umbrella. Many people go decades without recognizing their neurodivergence, attributing struggles to character flaws rather than neurological differences. Signs of neurodivergence in adult men vs women often present differently, contributing to later diagnosis in women. Understanding these signs helps you make sense of patterns that have been present your whole life.
Therapy for neurodivergent individuals and couples. We provide therapy via telehealth throughout Montana, Texas, and Maine. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself, in a neurodiverse relationship, or seeking assessment clarity, we can help. All sessions from home.
Schedule a Complimentary Consult →What Neurodivergence Means
Understanding the neurodivergent meaning starts with recognizing that neurodivergence is not a diagnosis—it's an umbrella term describing neurological differences that affect how someone thinks, learns, processes information, and interacts with the world. The term was coined by sociologist Judy Singer in the late 1990s as part of the neurodiversity movement, which views neurological differences as natural variations rather than deficits.
Common forms of neurodivergence include ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, Tourette syndrome, and some mood or anxiety conditions when they significantly affect cognitive processing. Each presents differently, and many neurodivergent people have multiple co-occurring conditions.
Signs of neurodivergence often become more apparent when demands increase—starting school, entering the workforce, managing a household, or navigating relationships. What worked with accommodating parents or flexible college schedules may not work in rigid work environments or partnerships with different expectations.
Common Signs Across Neurodivergent Types
While each neurodivergent profile has specific characteristics, some patterns appear across multiple types. These overlapping signs can make self-recognition difficult—you might notice you struggle but not know why or which specific pattern applies to you.
General Signs That May Indicate Neurodivergence
- Persistent difficulty with tasks others find simple (time management, organization, social cues, reading, math)
- Feeling like you have to work significantly harder than others to achieve similar results
- Sensory sensitivities or aversions (sounds, textures, lights, smells that others tolerate easily)
- Difficulty regulating attention—either hyperfocusing intensely or unable to sustain focus
- Executive function challenges (planning, initiating tasks, switching between activities, completing multi-step processes)
- Social exhaustion or confusion about unwritten social rules
- Strong need for routine and predictability, or conversely, difficulty maintaining any routine
- Processing speed differences—either much faster or slower than expected
- Memory inconsistencies (excellent memory for some things, terrible for others)
- Feeling like you're "masking" or performing a version of yourself to fit in
These signs don't automatically mean you're neurodivergent—everyone experiences some of these occasionally. The pattern matters. Neurodivergent traits are persistent, pervasive across settings, present since childhood (though not always recognized), and cause significant impact on functioning or wellbeing.
ADHD-Specific Signs
ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) affects attention regulation, impulse control, and executive function. It presents in three subtypes: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive-impulsive, and combined. Many adults, particularly women, have undiagnosed inattentive-type ADHD because they don't fit the hyperactive stereotype.
Signs of ADHD
- Difficulty sustaining attention on tasks that aren't immediately engaging
- Hyperfocus on interesting activities to the exclusion of everything else
- Time blindness—consistently underestimating how long things take, chronic lateness
- Starting many projects but finishing few
- Difficulty with working memory (forgetting what you just read, losing track mid-conversation)
- Impulsivity in decisions, spending, or speaking before thinking
- Emotional dysregulation—intense emotions that shift quickly
- Rejection sensitive dysphoria—extreme sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism
- Need for constant stimulation or tendency toward boredom
- Inconsistent performance (brilliant one day, can't function the next)
- Difficulty prioritizing—everything feels equally urgent or equally unimportant
ADHD often goes unrecognized in people who developed compensatory strategies, had accommodating environments, or whose struggles were attributed to laziness or lack of discipline. Understanding how ADHD affects relationships can transform how couples communicate and support each other.
Recognizing neurodivergence isn't about labeling yourself. It's about understanding why certain things have always been harder for you than for others, and accessing tools and accommodations that help.
Understanding your neurodivergence can transform your self-perception and relationships. Therapy throughout Montana, Texas, and Maine via telehealth.
Schedule a Complimentary Consult →Autism Signs
Autism involves differences in social communication, sensory processing, and patterns of behavior and interests. Autism presents with wide variation. Many adults, especially women and those without intellectual disability, remain undiagnosed because they learned to mask autistic traits.
Signs of Autism
- Difficulty understanding or following unwritten social rules
- Preference for direct, literal communication; confusion around hints or subtext
- Intense, focused interests in specific topics
- Need for routine and predictability; distress when routines change
- Sensory sensitivities (clothing tags, fluorescent lights, certain sounds, food textures)
- Stimming (repetitive movements like rocking, hand-flapping, or other self-soothing behaviors)
- Difficulty with eye contact or reading facial expressions
- Social exhaustion after interactions, even enjoyable ones
- Literal thinking or difficulty with abstract concepts
- Strong sense of justice; distress over perceived unfairness
- Masking (consciously or unconsciously suppressing autistic traits in social situations)
Autistic individuals often describe feeling like anthropologists studying human behavior rather than naturally understanding it. Many learn social scripts and rules explicitly rather than picking them up intuitively. The energy required to mask can lead to burnout.
Learning Differences
Dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, and other learning differences affect specific academic skills despite average or above-average intelligence. These often go undiagnosed in people who worked extremely hard to compensate or whose intelligence masked their struggles.
Signs of Learning Differences
Dyslexia (reading/language processing):
- Difficulty with phonological processing, spelling, reading fluency
- Reading comprehension much better when listening than reading
- Avoiding reading-heavy tasks despite interest in content
- Letter or number reversals beyond typical developmental age
Dysgraphia (writing):
- Difficulty with handwriting, spelling, organizing thoughts on paper
- Large discrepancy between verbal ability and written expression
- Physical discomfort or fatigue when writing
Dyscalculia (math/number processing):
- Difficulty with number sense, mathematical reasoning, remembering math facts
- Trouble with time, money, directions, measurements
- Anxiety around anything involving numbers
Signs of Neurodivergence in Adult Men vs Women
Signs of neurodivergence in adult men vs women often present differently, which contributes to underdiagnosis in women and gender-diverse individuals. Diagnostic criteria were historically based on research conducted primarily on young boys, meaning presentations more common in girls and women were overlooked.
Gender Differences in Neurodivergent Presentation
ADHD in Women vs Men:
- Women more likely to present with inattentive type (less hyperactivity, more internal restlessness and mental overwhelm)
- Women develop more compensatory strategies and masking behaviors, hiding struggles longer
- Women experience more rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation attributed to "being emotional" rather than ADHD
- Women's symptoms often worsen during hormonal changes (menstrual cycles, pregnancy, perimenopause)
- Men more likely diagnosed in childhood due to visible hyperactivity and classroom disruption
Autism in Women vs Men:
- Women often better at social mimicry and masking, copying behaviors from peers to blend in
- Women's special interests may appear more socially acceptable (animals, books, psychology) and go unrecognized
- Women experience social exhaustion from constant masking but appear socially competent on the surface
- Women more likely to develop eating disorders, anxiety, and depression as secondary conditions
- Men's more stereotypical presentation (narrow interests, less eye contact, direct communication) leads to earlier diagnosis
General Patterns:
- Women typically diagnosed later in life, often after their children receive diagnoses
- Women experience higher rates of misdiagnosis (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder) before correct neurodivergent identification
- Women face greater pressure to meet social and domestic expectations, making executive function challenges more impairing
- Men's neurodivergence more likely recognized and accommodated in childhood, while women are expected to "try harder"
These gender differences don't mean neurodivergence is fundamentally different in men and women—the core neurological differences are similar. What differs is how traits are expressed, socialized, masked, and interpreted by others. Understanding these patterns helps explain why many women discover their neurodivergence in their 30s, 40s, or later.
How Neurodivergence Shows Up in Relationships
Neurodivergent traits significantly affect relationships—how you communicate, manage household responsibilities, respond to conflict, process emotions, and connect with your partner. Many relationship conflicts that seem like personality clashes or incompatibility are rooted in neurodivergent/neurotypical differences.
Common relationship patterns in neurodiverse couples include the ADHD partner struggling with follow-through while the neurotypical partner takes on increasing responsibility and resentment; the autistic partner needing explicit communication while their partner feels like they shouldn't have to spell everything out; differences in sensory needs creating conflict around environment, touch, or activities.
Understanding neurodivergence reframes these conflicts from character flaws to neurological differences requiring accommodation and communication. Therapy can help couples develop strategies for working with neurodivergent patterns rather than against them.
Relationship Signs That May Indicate Unrecognized Neurodivergence
- One partner consistently handles all planning, organization, and follow-through
- Frequent miscommunication despite both people trying hard
- One partner overwhelmed by social obligations the other finds energizing
- Conflicts about cleanliness, organization, or routine that feel disproportionate
- Different needs around sensory environment (noise, lighting, temperature, physical touch)
- One partner describes feeling like a parent or manager rather than an equal
- Emotional responses that seem intense or delayed compared to neurotypical expectations
- Difficulty understanding each other's perspective even with effort and goodwill
When to Seek Professional Support
Recognizing signs of neurodivergence in yourself doesn't automatically mean you need formal diagnosis or treatment. Many neurodivergent people thrive once they understand themselves and implement appropriate accommodations.
Consider professional support when neurodivergent traits significantly impair functioning, cause distress, or create relationship conflict that self-help strategies don't resolve. Formal assessment can provide clarity, access to accommodations, validation of your experiences, and targeted treatment strategies.
Therapy helps even without formal diagnosis. A therapist familiar with neurodivergence can help you understand your patterns, develop coping strategies, improve relationship communication, and address co-occurring anxiety or depression.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we specialize in working with neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples. Whether you're seeking clarity about potential neurodivergence, need support managing diagnosed ADHD or autism, or your relationship is struggling with neurodivergent/neurotypical dynamics, we can help.
We provide therapy via telehealth throughout Montana, serving clients in Bozeman, Billings, Missoula, and across the state. We also serve clients throughout Texas (Austin, Dallas, Houston, and statewide) and Maine (Portland, Brunswick, and statewide).
For more on how therapy helps, see 10 signs it's time for couples therapy and what to expect in couples therapy. Understanding the difference between couples therapy vs marriage counseling helps clarify what you're looking for.
We also offer intensive couples counseling for couples who need more concentrated work in a shorter timeframe. If you're early in your relationship, read couples therapy when dating for perspective on seeking support before marriage.
Visit our frequently asked questions page for more information about our services.
Self-Recognition and Next Steps
Many people recognize themselves in descriptions of neurodivergence and feel a mix of relief (this explains so much) and grief (I've been struggling unnecessarily). Both responses are valid. Understanding your neurodivergence doesn't erase past struggles, but it can transform how you approach future challenges.
If you recognize signs of neurodivergence in yourself, consider these next steps: research the specific type(s) you relate to from reputable sources; connect with neurodivergent communities online or locally; implement accommodations and tools that address your specific challenges; consider formal assessment if diagnosis would be helpful for treatment, accommodations, or peace of mind; seek therapy from someone knowledgeable about neurodivergence.
Self-diagnosis in the neurodivergent community is increasingly accepted, particularly for people who face barriers to formal assessment (cost, access, discrimination concerns, or systemic bias in diagnostic criteria). Whether you pursue formal diagnosis or not, understanding your neurodivergence helps you work with your wiring rather than against it.
Support for Neurodivergent Individuals & Couples
We provide therapy for neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples via telehealth throughout Montana, Texas, and Maine. All sessions from the comfort of your home.
Schedule a Complimentary ConsultationRecognizing signs of neurodivergence is the first step toward understanding yourself more completely. Whether you pursue formal diagnosis, seek therapy, implement accommodations, or simply reframe your self-concept, this recognition matters. You're not broken or flawed—you're neurologically different, and those differences come with both challenges and strengths.
— Sagebrush Counseling
This post is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or diagnostic advice. If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
