Couples Tool
Relationship Check-In
A gentle, guided ritual for two — five areas, honest conversation, and no blame. Best done regularly: monthly, seasonally, or whenever you need to reconnect.
A note before you begin
This check-in is built on the belief that most of what's happening between you is good. The goal is to notice and name what's working, stay curious about each other, and make one gentle request — not a complaint — from a place of love.
Speak from your own experience using "I" statements
Listen without planning your response — just receive
Requests are desires, not demands — "I'd love..." not "You never..."
There's no right answer — curiosity is the whole point
Connection
Communication
Appreciation
Fun & Play
Support
Area 1 of 5
Connection & Closeness
How emotionally present and close you've been feeling to each other lately.
How connected have you felt this week?
A
B
DistantVery close
Celebrate
Share with each other — take turns
Partner A, then Partner B:
"A moment this week when I felt really close to you was _____________"
Partner A, then Partner B:
"Something you do that makes me feel seen and loved is _____________"
One wish
From desire, not disappointment
One partner shares a gentle wish:
"Something that would help me feel even more connected to you is _____________"
Area 2 of 5
Communication & Being Heard
How well you've been expressing yourselves and feeling understood by each other.
How heard have you felt this week?
A
B
Not veryVery heard
Celebrate
Share with each other — take turns
Partner A, then Partner B:
"A time recently when I felt really heard by you was when _____________"
Partner A, then Partner B:
"I appreciate the way you communicate when _____________ — it helps me feel safe"
One wish
From desire, not disappointment
One partner shares a gentle wish:
"Something that would help me open up more easily is _____________"
Area 3 of 5
Appreciation & Gratitude
The small and large ways you've been showing up for each other that deserve to be named out loud.
How appreciated have you felt recently?
A
B
Not veryVery much
Celebrate
Share with each other — take turns
Partner A, then Partner B:
"Something you did recently that I didn't fully thank you for was _____________"
Partner A, then Partner B:
"A quality in you I don't say out loud enough is _____________"
One wish
From desire, not disappointment
One partner shares a gentle wish:
"It would mean a lot to me if you noticed or acknowledged _____________"
Area 4 of 5
Fun, Play & Joy
The lightness, laughter, and shared enjoyment that keeps the relationship alive and energized.
How much fun have you had together lately?
A
B
Not enoughPlenty
Celebrate
Share with each other — take turns
Partner A, then Partner B:
"A moment recently where I just enjoyed being with you was _____________"
Together:
"One thing we've been doing together that we should do more often is _____________"
One wish
From desire, not disappointment
One partner shares a gentle wish:
"Something I'd love for us to try or do more of together is _____________"
Area 5 of 5
Support & Teamwork
How well you've been showing up for each other during stress, big decisions, and everyday life.
How supported have you felt lately?
A
B
Not veryVery supported
Celebrate
Share with each other — take turns
Partner A, then Partner B:
"A time recently when you really showed up for me was _____________"
Partner A, then Partner B:
"Something we handled really well together lately was _____________"
One wish
From desire, not disappointment
One partner shares a gentle wish:
"One way you could support me more right now is _____________"
You showed up for each other.
Taking time to check in — really check in — is one of the most meaningful things a couple can do. Here's how to close.
End with appreciation
Take turns completing this sentence out loud. Don't overthink it — say whatever is true right now.
"Right now, what I love most about us is _____________"
"Something I'm grateful for about you is _____________"
Your pulse this week
Green = Partner A · Rose = Partner B · Height reflects your rating
Want more tools like this, or support from a couples therapist?
Sagebrush Counseling offers online couples therapy across Texas, New Hampshire, Maine, and Montana.