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⚠️ Important Information

This worksheet is designed for couples working on their relationship together.

EFT focuses on attachment bonds, emotional accessibility, and breaking negative cycles
Complete this together or share your individual responses with each other
This tool complements but does not replace professional couples therapy
Take breaks if discussions become heated or overwhelming
Focus on understanding rather than changing each other
If you're experiencing relationship crisis, please seek professional support

1. Understanding Your Relationship Patterns

What is your main concern or challenge in your relationship right now?

What brought you to work on your relationship? What do you both want to improve?

When do you feel most disconnected from each other?

When do you feel most connected and secure together?

2. Identifying Your Negative Cycle

Most couples get stuck in predictable patterns during conflict. Let's identify yours.

What typically triggers your negative cycle?

What situations or topics tend to set off your difficult pattern?

Partner 1 Feels/Does

→

Partner 2 Feels/Does

How does this cycle typically escalate or continue?

How does your negative cycle usually end?

3. Understanding Each Partner's Experience

Partner 1 Experience

What do you feel deepest down during conflict?

Look underneath anger, frustration, or withdrawal

What is your greatest fear about the relationship?

How do you protect yourself when feeling vulnerable?

Partner 2 Experience

What do you feel deepest down during conflict?

Look underneath anger, frustration, or withdrawal

What is your greatest fear about the relationship?

How do you protect yourself when feeling vulnerable?

4. Core Attachment Needs in Your Relationship

Click on the needs that feel most important for each of you to feel secure and loved

To feel chosen and prioritized

To be seen and understood

To feel emotionally safe

To be comforted when hurt

To feel valued and appreciated

To maintain some independence

To be trusted and respected

To feel physically affectionate

To be forgiven for mistakes

To share life dreams and goals

To feel emotionally supported

To be accepted as I am

Which attachment needs feel most unmet in your relationship right now?

5. Emotional Accessibility and Responsiveness

Building Secure Connection

Secure relationships require partners to be emotionally accessible (open) and responsive (caring action)

Emotional Accessibility

What makes it hard for you to be emotionally open with each other?

Emotional Responsiveness

What gets in the way of responding with care when your partner is hurt or needs comfort?

What would help each of you feel safer to share vulnerable emotions?

How does each of you best receive comfort and care when you're hurting?

6. Attachment Injuries and Healing

Are there specific incidents where one partner felt abandoned or betrayed by the other?

Attachment injuries are moments when one partner wasn't there during a critical time of need

How do these injuries still affect your relationship today?

What would healing from these injuries look like? What is needed?

7. Creating New Positive Cycles

How would you like to respond differently when conflicts arise?

What vulnerable emotions or needs would you like to share more openly with each other?

What reassurances or responses do you most need to hear from each other?

8. Building Your Secure Bond

What would your relationship look like if you felt completely secure and bonded?

What specific daily or weekly practices could help you maintain emotional connection?

How will you recognize and interrupt your negative cycle when it starts?

What are you both willing to commit to working on for the health of your relationship?

What support do you need to continue growing your secure bond?